the challenge

is to your intelligence, your awareness, your conscious clarity, your ability to understand, your willingness to access, your passion to learn and explore... do you feed your ego so it is healthy and strong without taking from or control others?... do you find your limits are challenging to find and always strive to reach beyond them when you do find them?... does your energy level rise above all around you?... can you go days without sleep and still find clarity, creativity, and energy bubbling through your mind?... do you choose logic and reason over blind faith in all things and yet, eagerly open your mind to the unknown and that which is beyond your current knowledge and understanding?... do you always challenge your beliefs?... are you unafraid of knowing and sharing your body?... are you insatiably curious, passionate, and creative?... can you do as you please no matter what others say or might say?... are you always aware of yourself?... do you love to play with words?... do you feel an imperative to share yourself in written words?... is reading truly fundamental to your experience in this life?... do you always overcome your fear?... are you comfortable balancing the extremes of intensity and relaxation on all levels?... do you understand the relativity of everything?... do you actualize it in all you do?... do you love unconditionally?... do you trust unconditionally?... do you, above all else, place being honest and harmless as the top priority at all times?...

unconditional (partial)

what would you do if i could not walk?
would you still want to be with me?
what would you do if i could not talk?
would you still be able to hear me?
what would you do if i could not see?
would you still want me to feel you?
what would you do if i grew old and frail?
would you still want to be by my side?

look into my eyes, what do you see?
what really attracted you to me?
what would you do if it was all gone?
would there be any love to carry on?

where is the unconditional love
is it only in dreams?
is it just me or have you found
love is seldom as it seems
where is the unconditional trust?
is it just fantasy?
is it just me or have you found
trust is an impossibility...

for rarely is it tested
often it's a mistake
it lives so well in dreams
but dies when we're awake
so rarely is it lasting
unless it is faked
have you ever met a promise
that did not break?

look into my eyes, what do you see?
what really attracted you to me?
what would you do if it was all gone?
would there be any love to carry on?

where is the unconditional?...



almost listening Alice Peacock's I'll Start With Me

lover

looking for a lover
a lover of words
a lover of childhood
innocence and birds
a lover of playfulness
a lover of songs
a lover of feelings
the weaks and the strongs

i’m looking for a lover
a lover of smiles
a lover of journeys
the learning and miles
a lover of peacefulness
a lover of love
a lover of senses
life and all those we dream of

love to share the word play
the language of emotions
the sharing of each other
betrayals and devotions
love to share the passion
of seeking truth or bust
love to share the dream
of unconditional trust

i wish you every night
i wish you every day
i wish you were here with me
in every single way
a lover of romance
a lover of the tears
a lover of intensity
overcoming fears
a lover of laughter
a lover of love
a lover of wonders
life and all those we dream of

i am looking for a lover
a heart that is true
i am looking for a lover
could it be you?

a child

i am a child
please lock me away
and throw away the key
if i can not be what i am
if i must be what you want me to be
just put me on a shelf
i'll weave baskets or pottery
if i can't be myself

i am a child
please try to understand
i do not want your rules
or the back of your hand
if i must jump when you say jump
just send me to my room
i'll live in my own fantasies
rather than your world of doom and gloom

i am a child
i am not afraid of you
you can fuck me or kill me
the worst you can do
but nothing you do will change me
put that on my tombstone
the fears and corruption you live
you can keep for your own

i am a child
i mean no harm
you can not take my innocence
you can not take my charm
my magic is believing in
the wonders of being alive
and no matter what you do
my dreams will survive

i am a child
we're always being born
you may be afraid of us
or you may simply mourn
the loss of your childhhood
you're caving into fear
you can make your choice, but not mine
can i make it more clear

i am a child
i will keep coming back
to remind you of your mistakes
and of the strength you lack
you can sell your idealism
you can condemn your soul
but you can not stop me from playing
out my destined role

i am a child
the martyr on your cross
the one burned at the stake
i represent your loss

i am a child
the hope for tomorrow
the pain of facing truth
the end of your sorrow

if you will stop trying to own me
and stop living in fear
and let a child lead you
you will become aware

i am a child
you are a child
i am a child
you are a child
i am your child
you are my child
i am my child
you are your child
i am a child
i am a child
i am a child
your turn...

stop, in the name of...

keeping in touch...

that is what the internet has always been about for me... while ego loves the dream of fame and mass adoration... and all different parts of me get off on the creative inspirations and potential for interactions... and the rhymer and writer and music loving part of me loves the idea that some collaboration could happen... and the romantic (hopelessly hopeful, of course) dreams the one (or at least a libido fantasy) might come along and find me irresistible... the bottom line has always been - to keep in touch... find the beginning and it becomes obvious...

and now?...

and now, finally faced with losses i was so hoping would not become real, finally faced with the wasted time of believing the worst could not really happen, the worst arrives with a smile and a dance and a hope that all i said about the value and meaning of the music and map and story of a lifetime was just a joke, i mean, i wasn't really serious about how important that stuff was, was i?...

or something like that...

let's just overlook how simple and considerate it would be to have taken me seriously and even now, put the pieces back together... and to think i held out hope all this time... and all i have left are the pieces of the dream... a dream that i'll give all the love i can give every day of this life for as long as i live and then some, yeah maria, and you too maria, but my heart, you know... a dream that someone will be with me...

there is a bottomless pit of despair, a gaping wound of betrayed trust, a wide-eyed star of disbelief, and a child wanting to know - can i trust myself again... for i surely failed myself when the big one came... all these wasted years... there is a mountain of sorrow, an abyss of agonizing memories, and yet, all the baggage is right at the door of the plane waiting for someone to take my hand and jump with me... the bags can stay right there and fly away without me...

who could be so bold, so brave, so daring, so secure and trusting as i have been throughout this life... someone who could be with me.

start

there are a lot of facets to my personality because there are a lot of perspectives in my head and i take all and none completely seriously… that completely seriously moment awaits the one who shares it… it is not planned, i cannot seek it, it will happen when it happens… and while i wait i explore and enjoy each moment of this life as much as possible, open to everything, focusing on the positive, seeking trust and balance and peace and love and hoping to share it…

so if you want to know me,
come sit beside me,
lean on my shoulder a while
listen to me breathe,
feel my heart beat,
share the energy of a smile

look into my eyes with your open mind
and ask me what you want to know
expect only honesty
and you will get it
unless you want me to put on a show

but if we're just playing games
then it won't be long
before one of us will have to go

take my hand, feel my skin,
ask and tell me where i've been
share the same honest story of you
and we can begin
to know what is true,
if you want a friend
then start knowing honest love
it inspires unconditional trust
dare to leap into it and you'll find
there is no end

there is no end to love, my friend
there is no end


and if you want to be with me...

t.b.c...

approaching 4am (the dream of love)

yes, here i am again, just past 2am
reaching out into the silent night
stretching out in time, dreaming in a rhyme
wishing on a star for words to write

wishing for the words that touch your heart and bring you here to me
wishing for the words that paint a smile deep in your soul
wishing for the words that let you know no greater love can be
than the love we can create – it's ours to control
within the power of our minds we can touch what people call god
within the power of our hearts we can know everything
within the power of our love we can understand it all
in the love we create – in the song we sing
in the love we create we are a part of everything

there is no need to sacrifice unless you doubt your faith
there is no need to wage a war unless you are afraid
there is no need to own a thing unless you cannot share
and if you cannot share you cannot care and you will not long be here
but it is still a choice you make with your inner voice with your inner light
it is the message you send out into the silent night

so here i am again, approaching 4am
opening up to what most call above
rolling back the time, coalescing rhyme
breathing life into the dream of love

here i am again, approaching 4am
becoming part of what we all dream of
where there is no time, everything can rhyme
living breathing sharing the dream of love
living breathing sharing the dream of love
living breathing sharing the dream of love

sometimes i wonder

and sometimes i wonder
who really cares
when nobody's near me
and nobody shares
and nobody knows me
or hears my heart beats
the times i've been lonely
and out on the streets
times i could have died
and no one would know
who really cares
if i come or go

i wish i could know
the unconditional trust
the faith others seem to have
or is that just illusion
how do you know what is real?

i wish i could know
the unconditional love
comfort others seem to have
or is that just illusion
how do you know how it feels?

maybe i am missing something
essential to the human experience
but i've never known the answers
that others seem to take for granted
am i just too dense

sometimes i wonder…

.

.

.

and if in the end
the love you give
comes back around
will i receive it too
i've given all i have
many times over

and if in the end
the unconditional
is only an illusion
is it real if it's shared
how can i know?
oh oh oh oh oh

sometimes i wonder…