part of me

(not just a kim carnes song, or cover, for that matter), but the facts of life as i know them is that there are threads (and not just a carole king song, or tapestry, for that matter) weaving through life connecting moments and people and memories and promises and magic and poems and more (and prayers for some, or alliteration, even) and everything old is new again or something like that, but ever so seriously (like a brick to the forehead), i sensed she (a singer known as dia frampton) would touch the roots (the deepest threads of me, that is, and she did at first eye contact… but she was a child standing in the rain and i was an aging rocker even wetter staring at her smile in the midst of the warped tour a few years back) and her words (and music) and several times she blew through my mind (even more than stevi nicks once did, but there are not dozens of letters written to the fantasy of knowing her today cuz I’m older and wiser and more mature and realistic and stupid, or something like that) and finally, she did (you can also listen below, with one less thread) and maybe it means something to you too, but to truly know me (which is a prerequisite to being with me), you must understand this thread and to stay, you must accept it (the feeling, the promise, the dream, the magic, the one, the love, it stays with you if you let it) will always be a part of me for the threads of love never end (they just go on and on my friends, and not just a shari lewis song, or lambchop, even)…

who you are

i want to know who you are
why you live
why you breath
how you sleep
how you feel
what you do
what you want
when you shine
when you know
who you are

i want to know where you go
when you dream
when you love
how you live
how you breath
while you sleep
while you shine
what you are
what you share
why you love
why you go
where you go

i want to know everything
about you

do you want to be loved
unconditionally
do you want to be adored
beyond eternity
do you want to be cherished
infinitely
do you want to be trusted
completely
totally
honestly

without reservations
unconditionally

i want to know what you feel
how you think
how you are
when you soar
when you fold
where you dance
where you fly
why you live
why you lie
who you trust
who you love
what you love
how you love
why you love

i want to know everything
about you

distractions and deeper desires

I’ve got to get a handle on my impulses today
I’m letting imbalanced lusts get carried away
and I have not been writing to myself enough lately
letting distractions dilute deeper desires in me

looking for connections
comments messages and tweets
looking for attention
looking for someone who wants to meet
internet diversions
wanting to believe I’m finding friends
just wishing and hoping
the long term loneliness ends

but I keep so busy that I don’t
remember to keep in touch with myself
I wonder if you understand
I don’t let myself feel as lonely as I am

I’ve got to get back to taking care of myself
not just the momentary impulses
but the dreams long stashed up on a shelf

I’ve got to get back to the depths deep inside
not just the simple happy daily smiles
but the passions that have been so long denied

looking for connections
but too busy to see
looking for attention
but not giving enough attention to me
internet diversions
watching tv and playing games
just wishing and hoping
somebody will share more than names

but I keep so busy that I don’t
remember to keep in touch with myself
I wonder if you understand
I don’t let myself feel as lonely as I am

I don’t want to feel the desperation
I don’t want to settle for one night stands
I don’t want to choose someone just to quell the loneliness
I wonder if anyone understands

I’ve got to get a handle on my business today
I’m letting work and light play get carried away
and I have not been writing to myself enough lately
letting distractions dilute deeper desires in me
I must return to the deeper desires in me

here is the one

where is the one who finds passion in words
who finds sleep pushed aside every night
where is the one who sings sweeter than birds
who does not have an off switch on their inner light
where is the one who will stay awake with me
who gets too excited to sleep over creativity
where is the one who lives to feel the energy
of emotion, who can stand this much intensity
this much sensitivity
this much simply being free

I know you are out there somewhere
I can feel your energy reaching out
and if you have not found someone like you
who understands what life is really all about
then I hope you will find these words in this song
and I hope you will pick up the phone
there’s a part for you to sing along
right here next to me, you’ve always known
even though we are always alone
that together we’re never alone

we can share the bump and grind
we can share the cuddle and purr
we can share the wild eyed passion
we can share the winter’s brrrr
we can share the seasons changing
we can share the magic touch
we can share the believe in love
and the feeling of wanting too much
and we can share everything
so it’s never ever too much

here is the one who finds passion in words
who finds sleep pushed aside every night
here is the one who sings sweeter than birds
who does not have an off switch on their inner light
here is the one who will stay awake with you
who gets too excited to sleep over creativity
here is the one who lives for everything you do
with devotion, who can stand this much intensity
this much sensitivity
this much simply being free

you know I’ve been here looking for you
as you’ve been looking for me

lover

looking for a lover
a lover of words
a lover of childhood
innocence and birds
a lover of playfulness
a lover of songs
a lover of feelings
the weaks and the strongs

i’m looking for a lover
a lover of smiles
a lover of journeys
the learning and miles
a lover of peacefulness
a lover of love
a lover of senses
life and all those we dream of

love to share the word play
the language of emotions
the sharing of each other
betrayals and devotions
love to share the passion
of seeking truth or bust
love to share the dream
of unconditional trust

i wish you every night
i wish you every day
i wish you were here with me
in every single way
a lover of romance
a lover of the tears
a lover of intensity
overcoming fears
a lover of laughter
a lover of love
a lover of wonders
life and all those we dream of

i am looking for a lover
a heart that is true
i am looking for a lover
could it be you?

rhymes

some times, i find the words to speak my heart
some times the words will fall into a metered rhyme
then some times, the structure seems to fall apart
cuz i don’t think in structured thoughts or metered time

but i think in rhymes
and i feel in melodies
and i wish for time
to share in harmonies
i feel it is a crime
to live a life unshared
i feel it is a crime
to find that no one cared
cuz nobody knew you
beyond your face and name
nobody understood
your joy or your shame
i feel the saddest thing
this life can be
is a life lived completely
without harmony

what about you?
how do you
set yourself free?

some times i find the words to say what is on my mind
some times the words will tell me what i need to do
then some times, clarity is so hard to find
i wonder if this ever happens to you

is this just the way
a writer goes through life
expressing everything
from peak pleasure to strife
in words that flow
without a conscious plan
or is this just the way
of this one honest man
is this just my way
to try to understand
what is going on
and what might be planned

I want to know
what do you
understand?

i think in rhymes
and i feel in melodies
and i wish for time
to share in harmonies
i feel it is a crime
to live a life unshared
i feel it is a crime
to find that no one cared
cuz nobody knew you
beyond your face and name
nobody understood
your joy or your shame
i feel the saddest thing
this life can be
is a life lived completely
without harmony

what about you?
how do you
set yourself free?

is this just the way
a writer tries to share
expressing everything
hoping someone will care
in words that flow (like this)
without a conscious plan
or is this just the way
of this one honest man
is this just my way
of reaching out my hand
is this just my way
to find my own band

what about you?
what about me?
what about us?

is this just my way
to reach for wonderland?
i don’t want to be
a one man band

i think in rhymes
and i feel in melodies
and i wish for time
to share in harmonies
i feel it is a crime
to live a life unshared
i feel it is a crime
to find that no one cared
cuz nobody knew you
beyond your face and name
nobody understood
your passion or your pain
i feel the saddest thing
this life can be
is a life lived lonely
without harmony

i think in rhymes
and i feel in melodies
and i hope to find
someone to share with me
a whole life time
living in harmonies
in heart and mind
in complete honesty
this is why i am here
to find a way to share
this is why i am here
to show i care
this is one way i try
to hope true love finds me
to share the highest high
to set myself free

what about you?
how do you
set yourself free?

how do you share yourself?
how do you find your honesty?

what about you?
how do you
set yourself free?

a lover's song

you know i want to love you
i can see it in your eyes
the secret looks you give me
so don't pretend surprise
in all your insecurities
the hunger still shows through
you know your fire can burn me
but i/m still wanting you
yes you know this is true
i want to love you

and it doesn't matter how far apart
others might tell us we are
the rules do not matter when feelings like this
bring wishes down from the stars

and it doesn't matter if everyone else
says we've got no right, it is wrong
they don't have a clue about what love is
not when it comes on this strong

you know i want to love you
i can see it in your lips
as they secretly kiss me
a tingling in your hips
sense shivers down your spine
as you face what is true
you want to feel my loving
as much as i want you

you can taste it
(i can taste you)
your scent is in the air
you can smell it
(i can smell you)
can't hide being aware

bodies tremble
fingers ignite
the first time we touch
stars flicker
muscles tighten
we want it so much
the first time we touch
is all night

and when the morning comes
we're sprawled across the floor
two animals in heat stroke
only wanting more
wanting more
more and more

you know i want to love you
and now you are secure
and you want to love me
we know what we're here for
we're here to love each other
and we want more
all the time
we love loving each other
more and more

stop, in the name of...

keeping in touch...

that is what the internet has always been about for me... while ego loves the dream of fame and mass adoration... and all different parts of me get off on the creative inspirations and potential for interactions... and the rhymer and writer and music loving part of me loves the idea that some collaboration could happen... and the romantic (hopelessly hopeful, of course) dreams the one (or at least a libido fantasy) might come along and find me irresistible... the bottom line has always been - to keep in touch... find the beginning and it becomes obvious...

and now?...

and now, finally faced with losses i was so hoping would not become real, finally faced with the wasted time of believing the worst could not really happen, the worst arrives with a smile and a dance and a hope that all i said about the value and meaning of the music and map and story of a lifetime was just a joke, i mean, i wasn't really serious about how important that stuff was, was i?...

or something like that...

let's just overlook how simple and considerate it would be to have taken me seriously and even now, put the pieces back together... and to think i held out hope all this time... and all i have left are the pieces of the dream... a dream that i'll give all the love i can give every day of this life for as long as i live and then some, yeah maria, and you too maria, but my heart, you know... a dream that someone will be with me...

there is a bottomless pit of despair, a gaping wound of betrayed trust, a wide-eyed star of disbelief, and a child wanting to know - can i trust myself again... for i surely failed myself when the big one came... all these wasted years... there is a mountain of sorrow, an abyss of agonizing memories, and yet, all the baggage is right at the door of the plane waiting for someone to take my hand and jump with me... the bags can stay right there and fly away without me...

who could be so bold, so brave, so daring, so secure and trusting as i have been throughout this life... someone who could be with me.

creative loneliness

every now and then there is a loneliness
and it gets so intense
deeper than i can explain

it comes from somewhere inside the core of me
and it's an agony
that wants to shut down my brain

it comes when creativity
wants to share
but only finds a void
beyond the smiling faces
annoyed
i cry out silently
who will care?

but if anyone hears
no one responds
i mean, what can you say when you see
when all hope is gone

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to care
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share...

a numbness falls upon the arms and legs
with such gravity
the hands cannot turn the page

a fatigue swallows all the energy
all movement suspends
is this just what comes with age

it comes when creativity
wants to share
but only finds a vacuum
and the body needs air
so sad
i cry inside of me
who will care?

but if anyone hears
no one responds
i mean, what can you say when you ...
just carry on

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share...

but if anyone hears
no one responds
i mean, what can you say when you see
. . .

and what do you see
when you look at me
from so far away
as you do today
from out in the crowd
you just see a cloud
there's just fantasy
without intimacy

you can enjoy the song
but you can't see
the depths beneath
the creativity

you can enjoy the show
but you can not be
a real part of
the creativity

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share...

still a muse from far away
is better than no muse today
so i thank you for your cheers
your laughter and your tears
the loyalty, the years

even if they are all in my mind
the memory
the fantasy
makes creativity
deaf dumb and blind

and somehow . . .

more kind

and somehow . . .

that is kind

what was left behind...

the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to care
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

creativity
wants to share...

creativity
wants to share...

creativity
wants to care...

creativity
wants to share...

creativity
wants to share...