who you are

i want to know who you are
why you live
why you breath
how you sleep
how you feel
what you do
what you want
when you shine
when you know
who you are

i want to know where you go
when you dream
when you love
how you live
how you breath
while you sleep
while you shine
what you are
what you share
why you love
why you go
where you go

i want to know everything
about you

do you want to be loved
unconditionally
do you want to be adored
beyond eternity
do you want to be cherished
infinitely
do you want to be trusted
completely
totally
honestly

without reservations
unconditionally

i want to know what you feel
how you think
how you are
when you soar
when you fold
where you dance
where you fly
why you live
why you lie
who you trust
who you love
what you love
how you love
why you love

i want to know everything
about you

the real (challenge)

from the first thought in my head i understood alone, there was only me in my head, but the lure to share was powerful and overcame the reality of being alone, the delusion of sharing, the co-dependency, swallowed reason and replaced it with romantic delusion that lead to emotional, psycological, and even physical addictions... blow after blow of reality tore through the delusions and still i somehow rebuilt the dream i made so real in my mind... the dream called falling in love and sharing everything in every way with another being... the fact that we would both be alone no matter what was consistently ignored year after year producing the ache of addiction brought on by belief in the delusion... and then, somewhere in the last onslaught of the real aloneness forced upon me by the absolute betrayal of unconditional trust and abandonment, the power of the delusion exploded like a supernova in my mind and suddenly, though my conscious mind may not have noticed, the addiction was gone... infinite space remained... and i accepted the reality of aloneness (completely?) and may never be able to forget again...

but there's the challenge for you, can you make me want to forget again? :)

who is my friend

who’ll care for me
when i lay down
when i am tired
or sick or weak

who’ll carry me
when i lay dying
when i am old
when i can’t speak

who’ll speak for me
when i no longer
have a live voice
when i am gone

who’ll care for me
in the last days
who really stays
to carry on

who’ll dream with me
in the final hours
who’ll be with me
up to the end

who’ll care for me
who is my friend
who’ll care for me
who is my friend

discomfort

there is massive (pun intended) discomfort in the body these days and that brings me to wonder why i am even socializing if i am in no mood to share the body (cuz it’s not all about the sex?... or even the physical comfort?... so why are we alive then?... well, hopefully cuz we want to be and we want to enjoy the experience of being here… and the sex, nothing wrong with sex, as long as it’s mutually comfortable… ah, long live the sense of humor cuz it’s something the only sense i’ve got left)… another step closer, perhaps...

so if you want to be with me, you’ll need patience, a whole lot of patience… and the time to sit and watch, to sit and talk, to sit and listen, to sit and be… and walk and lay and run and float and hug for a long long time… for i seek gentleness and innocence and almost most of all, patience and understanding… if you want to be with me, you’ll need to sleep with me first and i mean sleep… for i seek someone who fits in the pauses, the time outs, the silences, the depths where the secret dreams live… for i seek most of all, the stillness in moments between the heartbeats, were we share uninhibited unconditional love and trust…

these are the days of my self-imposed discomfort and it is a test… a test of will, a test of strength, and test of belief… for in you want to be with me you’ll have faith in me, believe in me, and see beyond the fool pushing the limits of life itself in this body and past the aging uncomfortable physical shell into the me living inside… find comfort in this, even amidst discomfort, that will inspire me to bring the great experiment of overindulgence and typical human frailty to an end and slowly one morning we will wake up to find the comfort once again… and then, if passion comes, we will roll with the flow...

still want to be with me?

a child

i am a child
please lock me away
and throw away the key
if i can not be what i am
if i must be what you want me to be
just put me on a shelf
i'll weave baskets or pottery
if i can't be myself

i am a child
please try to understand
i do not want your rules
or the back of your hand
if i must jump when you say jump
just send me to my room
i'll live in my own fantasies
rather than your world of doom and gloom

i am a child
i am not afraid of you
you can fuck me or kill me
the worst you can do
but nothing you do will change me
put that on my tombstone
the fears and corruption you live
you can keep for your own

i am a child
i mean no harm
you can not take my innocence
you can not take my charm
my magic is believing in
the wonders of being alive
and no matter what you do
my dreams will survive

i am a child
we're always being born
you may be afraid of us
or you may simply mourn
the loss of your childhhood
you're caving into fear
you can make your choice, but not mine
can i make it more clear

i am a child
i will keep coming back
to remind you of your mistakes
and of the strength you lack
you can sell your idealism
you can condemn your soul
but you can not stop me from playing
out my destined role

i am a child
the martyr on your cross
the one burned at the stake
i represent your loss

i am a child
the hope for tomorrow
the pain of facing truth
the end of your sorrow

if you will stop trying to own me
and stop living in fear
and let a child lead you
you will become aware

i am a child
you are a child
i am a child
you are a child
i am your child
you are my child
i am my child
you are your child
i am a child
i am a child
i am a child
your turn...

from a love

we come from a different time
when love was as simple as sleeping together
body contact with an innocent touch
and if it felt good even better

we come from a different place
where love is as honest as holding each other
feel our heartbeats and breathing as one
being with trust in each other

all the rules and judgments
humans seem to need
all the fear and labels
that make people bleed
all the divisions that
keep people apart
all the confusion that leave
people broken hearted
we started sharing love
before all that started

we come from a different mind
where love does not need to be figured out
or explained or justified
just shared without fear or doubt

we come from a different heart
where love does not need public approval
where love does not need to be defended
where love does not need to be pretended

where love does not need validation
where love does not mean separation
where love does not mean putting others down
where love does not mean dividing a town

where love does not mean condemning anyone
where love does not come at the point of a gun
where love does not wait for after we die
where love does not teach us how to lie

where love does not wait for a certain age
where love does not bleed on history's page
where love does not demand conformity
where love is alive and real and free

we come from a love that some people pray for
we come from a love with no wall or door
we come from a love people say they want to find
a love they once knew but all left behind

all the rules and judgments
humans seem to need
all the fear and labels
that make people bleed
all the divisions that
keep people apart
all the confusion that leave
people broken hearted
we started sharing love
before all that started

mutual fantasy

play with me, little girl
i won't touch you if you don't want me to
just play with me, little girl
i just want to have fun, don't you?

let the walls come tumbling down
and laugh at fear cuz there's not harm in me
play with me, little girl
let's find a mutual fantasy

inside of me is a child of four
and an infant wanting only to be held
most of me is ready to have fun
deep in my heart i want to start a meld

sharing everything the way only is done
in infancy and with the one the one
the one who understands and shares it all
because we mean no harm and hear the call

of the child inside
when someone really cared
wow, wouldn't that be sweet
if someone really cared

sitting here alone
dreaming of sharing
sitting here with me
dreaming of carinf

what if i cared about you
what if you cared about me
what if we made it real
physically
sensually
playfully

play with me, little girl
i won't do anything you say no to
just play with me, little girl
i just want to have fun, don't you?

yes little girl
strange as it seems
i have the control
to help make your dreams
come true
for you
and if you see
that is the dream in me
to share the dream in you
cuz that is what i dream about too

in the child inside
when somebody really cared
wow, wouldn't that be wild
if somebody really cared

all the lonely people
who puts them to bed?
all the sleeping dreams
in each and every head
who really cares about them
who really shares?
did you ever feel it
when somebody cares?

let the walls come tumbling down
and laugh at fear cuz there's not harm in me
play with me, little girl
let's find a mutual fantasy

play with me, little girl
i won't do anything you say no to
just play with me, little girl
i just want to have fun, don't you?

with the child inside
be the child inside
cuz the child inside
knows when somebody really cares
and wouldn't that be a dream
somebody really cares

little boys want to have fun too