tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64723287296267855582024-02-08T08:05:08.528-05:00be with mecandoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04395163846146800858noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-40530676111491539622018-09-02T01:22:00.000-04:002018-09-11T01:22:37.045-04:00Make Good Memories<center>I think of the old songs that used to move me to happy tears<br />
I remember the good times, are they is gone as it appears?<br />
Somewhere along the way we were all divided fears<br />
And I wonder if we could roll back the years<br />
Could we figure out where we learned all the fears?<br />
<br />
I don’t want to fear<br />
Fear makes love seem to disappear<br />
I just want to care <br />
Caring is why I am here<br />
Caring is the best feeling I know<br />
I only want the best for everyone<br />
No one can hurt you if you let go<br />
Of the fear <br />
<br />
Your people hang onto the fear as if it has more value than love<br />
That’s seems like Mental illness to me, <br />
it just doesn’t make sense, <br />
It is too high and expense<br />
To build a wall and a fence<br />
Around your heart? <br />
That seems to be self-defeating<br />
It blocks your love right from the start<br />
<br />
I don’t wanna be like that<br />
I won’t let my love be smothered by fear<br />
I will not hurt myself like that<br />
As long as I have a choice I will care <br />
Caring is why I am here<br />
<br />
I think of the old songs that used to move me to happy tears<br />
I remember the good times, when people used to care<br />
and make good memories that overcome all fears<br />
that is the way I want to share<br />
that is the world I want to share<br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-27755145553658834402018-07-11T23:02:00.003-04:002018-07-11T23:02:36.280-04:00Most Devoted Friend<center>it takes an ego without measure<br />
to uncover a buried treasure <br />
and share it with the world<br />
heart open, mind unfurled<br />
<br />
it takes love knowing beyond pleasure<br />
to survive the greatest pressure<br />
and reach euphoria<br />
in this global emporia<br />
<br />
and I can be that one<br />
who never let you down<br />
even when I fail<br />
I will turn it around<br />
I will do anything<br />
to help you reach your goal<br />
that's just the way I am<br />
a living giving soul<br />
<br />
and I can be your most devoted friend<br />
the open door to love without an end<br />
without any conditions or reason to pretend<br />
just what you need when you need to depend<br />
I can be your most devoted friend<br />
<br />
it takes an ego strong enough to fail<br />
to survive anything on any scale<br />
and still believe in love's eternity<br />
that is just what can be found in me<br />
<br />
we all need someone<br />
we can trust unconditionally<br />
with everything we do<br />
with everything we think<br />
with everything we are<br />
completely<br />
<br />
we all need someone<br />
we know is always there<br />
I can be the one<br />
you can find me here<br />
<br />
and I can be your most devoted friend<br />
the open door to love without an end<br />
without any conditions or reason to pretend<br />
just what you need when you need to depend<br />
no matter what you do I can be <br />
your most devoted friend<br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-51303621461344377142018-04-05T23:05:00.002-04:002018-04-05T23:05:26.889-04:00just be here<center>no time for depth<br />
where is the meaning<br />
where is the magic<br />
where is the love<br />
<br />
no time for me<br />
but do I want to?<br />
where is the question?<br />
no answers above<br />
no answers below<br />
no answers outside<br />
no time for within<br />
no fantasy<br />
no time for me<br />
<br />
lost in the pages of forgotten books<br />
lost in the memories of forgotten looks<br />
lost in the workaholic fight not to drown<br />
lost conforming to the happy sad clown<br />
<br />
break me in two and you'll find my heart<br />
already beating in two separate parts<br />
torn into pieces before I could crawl<br />
the only repair was giving it all<br />
<br />
without walls<br />
without doors<br />
without defenses<br />
<br />
without games<br />
without shames<br />
without pretenses<br />
<br />
too vulnerable for conformity<br />
so why don't I give in?<br />
all I want is honesty<br />
it's my life I'm living<br />
delusions are not for me<br />
no matter how many believe<br />
I would rather be alone<br />
than lie or deceive<br />
<br />
without walls<br />
without doors<br />
without defenses<br />
<br />
without games<br />
without shames<br />
without pretenses<br />
<br />
break me in two and you'll find my heart<br />
already beating in two separate parts<br />
torn into pieces before I could crawl<br />
the only repair was giving it all<br />
only partially repaired by giving it all<br />
<br />
did you miss me?<br />
dd you even ever know me?<br />
do you miss me?<br />
is there any way to show me?<br />
can you feel me?<br />
without any god or fear<br />
want the real me?<br />
just be real, just be here<br />
<br />
without walls<br />
without doors<br />
without defenses<br />
<br />
without games<br />
without shames<br />
without pretenses<br />
<br />
just be you<br />
without fear<br />
just be real<br />
just be here<br />
<br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-27643778687322576012016-09-27T00:51:00.001-04:002016-09-27T00:55:51.434-04:00The Words<center>I want to write more <br />
writing has always helped me<br />
gather thoughts and feelings<br />
to figure our what to do<br />
through challenges<br />
or joyous times<br />
I always found myself<br />
in rhymes<br />
<br />
When the words dry up<br />
the mind becomes cloudy<br />
storms brew unabated<br />
rain falls from my eyes<br />
confusion grows<br />
and old age<br />
consumes me as<br />
hope fades<br />
<br />
please don't let me stop writing<br />
even if no one ever responds<br />
please don't ever let me stop writing<br />
for I would not be here if the words were gone<br />
my hope comes from the hope<br />
the words will carry on<br />
<br />
and if you care about me<br />
you will put a pen in my hand<br />
even if you never respond<br />
even if you don't understand<br />
<br />
if you care about me<br />
encourage more writing<br />
it keeps my head<br />
and my heart from fighting<br />
it lets me figure<br />
myself out<br />
writing is<br />
what I'm about<br />
without it<br />
I get lost in doubt<br />
losing myself<br />
can't you see<br />
without writing<br />
I <br />
lose<br />
touch<br />
with<br />
<a href=http://bwme.blogspot.com/2015/11/hello.html target="_blank">me</a><br />
<br />
please don't let me stop writing<br />
even if no one ever responds<br />
please don't ever let me stop writing<br />
for the words will still be here after I'm gone<br />
the words can carry on<br />
the words will carry on<br />
<br />
<a href=http://bwme.blogspot.com/2016/09/reason-to-be-here.html target="_blank">word</a> <br />
<br />
please don't let me stop writing<br />
even if no one ever responds<br />
please don't ever let me stop writing<br />
writing keeps me sane while I am here<br />
and the words will still be here after I'm gone<br />
the words can carry on<br />
the words will carry on<br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-43897075098998473102016-09-22T15:20:00.002-04:002016-09-22T15:28:19.416-04:00Reason To Be Here<center>every time I upload something to the internet<br />
I feel the rush of sharing part of myself<br />
even if it is just a comment on a social network site<br />
<br />
it is the hope<br />
for the dream<br />
that someone will find me<br />
who understands me<br />
and we'll fall in love<br />
<br />
and everything will be alright<br />
yeah everything will be alright<br />
<br />
the world is in a sorry state these days<br />
the planet bleeds while everybody plays<br />
war games and hate games and love games and more<br />
everybody looking for distraction to ignore<br />
the way we treat each other and the world<br />
all to get more stuff or flags unfurled<br />
cuz everybody wants to be in control<br />
whether or not you believe in a soul<br />
looking for a way to overcome the fear<br />
of being here before we disappear<br />
looking for some meaning to appear<br />
a reason to being here<br />
<br />
every time I share<br />
I hope someone will care<br />
and that is my reason<br />
to be here<br />
<br />
it is the hope<br />
for the dream<br />
that someone will find me<br />
who understands me<br />
and we'll fall in love<br />
<br />
and everything will be alright<br />
yeah everything will be alright<br />
<br />
<a href=http://bwme.blogspot.com/2015/11/hello.html target="_blank">hello</a><br />
<br />
the world is in a sorry state these days<br />
the planet bleeds while everybody plays<br />
war games and hate games and love games and more<br />
everybody looking for distraction to ignore<br />
the way we treat each other and the world<br />
all to get more stuff or flags unfurled<br />
cuz everybody wants to be in control<br />
whether or not you believe in a soul<br />
looking for a way to overcome the fear<br />
of being here before we disappear<br />
looking for some meaning to appear<br />
a reason to being here<br />
<br />
every time I share<br />
I hope someone will care<br />
and that is my reason<br />
to be here<br />
<br />
it is the hope<br />
for the dream<br />
that someone will find me<br />
who understands me<br />
and we'll fall in love<br />
<br />
and everything will be alright<br />
yeah everything will be alright<br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-15301243637843142302015-11-23T04:42:00.001-05:002015-11-23T04:42:13.523-05:00hello<center>hello<br />
are you alone in life today<br />
i am looking for a new best friend<br />
maybe we can spend a little time together<br />
to see how we get along<br />
<br />
if you are alone in life today<br />
if you're looking for a new best friend<br />
let's start by telling each other everything<br />
we think and feel is right and wrong<br />
<br />
what is your highest ideal<br />
what is your purpose in life<br />
what is your greatest appeal<br />
what do you want in a wife<br />
what does partnership mean<br />
what's your favorite thing to do<br />
what is your heart's desire dream<br />
what is the essense of you<br />
<br />
can we talk for a few hours<br />
about what matters to you<br />
about what matters to me<br />
about what we feel is true<br />
can we walk a hundred miles<br />
in each others shoes<br />
and then walk barefoot on the beach<br />
watching the sky change hues<br />
<br />
can you share <br />
honestly <br />
openly<br />
<br />
can you open your mind<br />
completely<br />
<br />
do you care<br />
honestly<br />
openly<br />
<br />
can you give your heart<br />
completely<br />
<br />
if you are alone in life today<br />
if you're looking for a new best friend<br />
let's start by telling each other everything<br />
we think and feel is right and wrong<br />
<br />
what is your favorite color<br />
what is your favorite song<br />
what weakens your knees<br />
what makes you feel strong<br />
what brings you to tears<br />
what makes you laugh aloud<br />
what picks you up, what brings you down<br />
and what makes you feel proud<br />
<br />
talk for hours<br />
what matters<br />
what is real<br />
what is true<br />
walk four hours<br />
empathize<br />
lay down, relax<br />
gaze into each others eyes<br />
<br />
can you share <br />
honestly <br />
openly<br />
<br />
can you open your mind<br />
completely<br />
<br />
do you care<br />
honestly<br />
openly<br />
<br />
can you give your heart<br />
completely<br />
<br />
are you looking for someone to trust to care<br />
a bond without an end<br />
sharing unconditional love, adopting new family<br />
that's what i'm looking for<br />
a best friend</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-18529578974220404172015-11-07T02:01:00.001-05:002015-11-07T02:01:39.287-05:00i still want to believe<center>i still want to believe<br />
there is someone out there for me<br />
who can actualize equality<br />
a partner in everything<br />
<br />
there's so much i can grieve<br />
but i want to share being happy<br />
who can find the positivity<br />
and real hope in everything<br />
<br />
it takes more than wanting<br />
it takes compatibility<br />
seeing from the same perspective<br />
living the same way honestly<br />
<br />
it takes more than loving<br />
it takes more than lusting<br />
it takes something silent<br />
words can not explain<br />
<br />
it takes more than wanting<br />
it takes more then trusting<br />
much more than compliant<br />
just share the same brain<br />
<br />
and i want to believe<br />
in the possibility<br />
of two becoming one<br />
unconciously<br />
subconciously<br />
and conciously<br />
<br />
yeah i still want to believe<br />
there is someone out there for me<br />
who see the way i see<br />
and feels the way i feel, really<br />
<br />
there's so much we can grieve<br />
but i want to share being happy<br />
who can find the positivity<br />
real hope in everything<br />
genuine compatibility<br />
living the same way honestly<br />
<br />
two become one entity<br />
unconciously<br />
subconciously<br />
and conciously<br />
<br />
and i want to believe<br />
in the possibility<br />
of two becoming one entity<br />
unconciously<br />
subconciously<br />
and conciously<br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-10649508530858111482015-04-06T23:35:00.000-04:002015-11-11T23:56:21.121-05:00maybe moody blues (truth is up to you)<center><a href=https://youtu.be/ALTSwDgyR50 target="_blank">maybe</a> this is true<br />
and all the optimism is bravado<br />
truth is up to you<br />
if you dare to care enough to find it<br />
the <a href=http://bwme.blogspot.com/2015/11/i-still-want-to-believe.html target="_blank">dream</a> is real<br />
but why does it not come true? <br />
truth is up to you<br />
but what can we do if i don't mind it<br />
<br />
what can i do<br />
what can i do<br />
what can i do<br />
<br />
<br />
(truth is up to you)<br />
<br />
<br />
i bring it on myself<br />
i know i do<br />
i isolate myself<br />
it's nothing new<br />
i focus on one thing<br />
lost in a job<br />
everything else piles up<br />
i live like a slob<br />
<br />
i let myself burn out<br />
and get dismissed<br />
and when i look around <br />
at all i missed<br />
all the lost contacts<br />
friends faded away<br />
i do it to myself<br />
what can i say<br />
<br />
so here i am again<br />
looking for a friend<br />
singing one more lonely song<br />
seems it has no end<br />
<br />
who could care enough<br />
when i make it so tough<br />
how can anyone get close to<br />
a child who never learned to trust<br />
<br />
this is the life i know<br />
and nothing else<br />
i give this life away<br />
not to myself<br />
i dream of someone<br />
who understands<br />
who can somehow get through<br />
my open hands<br />
<br />
hands always open are a lie<br />
they never close to hold on<br />
when no one feels wanted<br />
they are soon gone<br />
<br />
a heart afraid to show any need<br />
just pushes everyone away<br />
a heart afraid to trust can only bleed<br />
and without trust<br />
love does not stay<br />
<br />
so here i am again<br />
looking for a friend<br />
singing on more lonely song<br />
seems it has no end<br />
<br />
who could care enough<br />
when i make it so tough<br />
how can anyone get close to<br />
a child who never learned to trust<br />
<br />
crumbling inside<br />
always denied<br />
from the start<br />
hearts lied<br />
trust died<br />
<br />
can only hide<br />
behind false pride<br />
a broken heart<br />
love lied<br />
trust died<br />
<br />
here i am again<br />
looking for a friend<br />
singing on more lonely song<br />
seems it has no end<br />
<br />
who could care enough<br />
when i make it so tough<br />
how can anyone get close to<br />
a child who never learned to trust<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
still looking for the one<br />
who will not go away<br />
no matter what i do<br />
no matter what i say<br />
<br />
still looking for the one<br />
who will pass every test<br />
who can convince me to trust<br />
this is my <a href=https://youtu.be/-KufFjcWOUQ target="_blank">quest</a><br />
<a href=https://youtu.be/RfHnzYEHAow target="_blank">quest</a><br />
<a href=https://youtu.be/ANEFZJ01OiY target="_blank">quest</a><br />
<a href= target="_blank"></a>quest<br />
<br />
<a href=https://youtu.be/vamMb0nzsAw target="_blank">remember?</a>...<br />
<br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-14638382676160651382014-12-20T21:31:00.001-05:002014-12-20T21:31:54.610-05:00to understand me<p align=justify>you must understand that after a lifetime of trying, sometimes desperately, to help others, to share and care and save and bond and understand and be understood and trust and love, i paused and chose to be alone to rest and re-establish my balance, my peace, and my happiness that is my natural state inside and now almost by default, i choose to be alone most of the time in this latter portion of life because people are just too confused to get close to without getting hit by some part of their irrational fears or other negative energy... it is very sad to be this lonely, but i finally decided it is better than the constant battle to mend others... so simply, i tired of climbing the walls to get into other's <a href=http://wordsfromotherminds.blogspot.com/2008/10/madhouse.html target="_blank">madhouses</a> so i decided to stay in my own... at least, this way, i can enjoy my inner glee, my happiness and peace, even if it is all by myself... <br />
<br />
but the dream that <i>the one</i> will find me remains... </p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-74978249063986190542014-12-01T00:08:00.001-05:002014-12-28T00:09:21.948-05:00the waiting time<center>all the waiting time<br />
<br />
sometimes it starts with the title<br />
an idea comes out of the blue<br />
the memories of a dream long gone<br />
suddenly starts coming through<br />
<br />
it always starts with a moment<br />
as if we did not have a clue<br />
it hits the mind like a ton of bricks <br />
and now i am thinking of you<br />
<br />
the memory can't be avoided<br />
no matter how long it's been<br />
no matter how long forgotten<br />
it's always ready to begin<br />
<br />
as if we can live in a moment<br />
that lasts an eternity<br />
that is the power of true love<br />
that's what you gave to me<br />
<br />
you gave me the most precious passion <br />
unconditional trust and more<br />
unconditional love actualized<br />
a heart with no wall or door<br />
<br />
and ever since you i've been waiting<br />
for someone who can give it all<br />
all the waiting time<br />
writing rhyme after rhyme<br />
wishing somebody would fall<br />
the way you could fall<br />
giving it all<br />
<br />
all the waiting time<br />
waiting for someone to fall<br />
the way we fell<br />
giving it all<br />
<br />
all the waiting time<br />
waiting and singing this song<br />
waiting for love to feel so right<br />
it can never be wrong<br />
<br />
and this song is wandering now<br />
through gardens of memories<br />
melodies change with the seasons<br />
some become fantasies<br />
<br />
there have been other lovers<br />
that came right out of the blue<br />
but no one has ever compared<br />
to what i shared with you<br />
<br />
and ever since you i've been waiting<br />
for someone who can give it all<br />
all the waiting time<br />
writing rhyme after rhyme<br />
wishing somebody would fall<br />
the way you could fall<br />
giving it all<br />
<br />
all the waiting time<br />
waiting and singing this song<br />
waiting for love to feel so right<br />
it can never be wrong<br />
<br />
all the waiting time<br />
waiting for someone to fall<br />
all the waiting time<br />
writing rhyme after rhyme<br />
wishing somebody would fall<br />
the way you could fall<br />
giving it all<br />
<br />
this song will only end<br />
when i feel it again<br />
if you understand, be a friend<br />
help me sing it again<br />
and again and again<br />
<br />
all the waiting time<br />
waiting and singing this song<br />
waiting for love to feel so right<br />
it can never be wrong<br />
<br />
all the waiting time<br />
waiting for the final fall<br />
unconditional trust<br />
unconditional love<br />
giving it all<br />
<br />
all the waiting time<br />
waiting for the right one<br />
and when the right one arrives<br />
the waiting is done<br />
<br />
all the waiting time<br />
waiting and singing this song<br />
waiting for love to feel so right<br />
it can never be wrong<br />
<br />
all the waiting time<br />
waiting for the final fall<br />
unconditional trust<br />
unconditional love<br />
giving it all<br />
<br />
all the waiting time<br />
waiting for the right one<br />
and when the right one arrives<br />
the waiting is done</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-89815559045497359342014-05-01T04:37:00.000-04:002015-08-30T12:55:28.528-04:00please love again (my final rhyme)<center>when the sunlight fades from my eyes <br />
will I be alone <br />
when the peaceful darkness comes <br />
will I be on my own <br />
I have often wondered and <br />
just as often wondered why <br />
are we so afraid <br />
to share our lives <br />
because we're gonna die <br />
or because we're afraid <br />
we'll be left behind <br />
to say good-bye <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
don't bury me in sadness when I die <br />
let my death remind you that life is a high <br />
and celebrate the living for me one more time <br />
that is all I ask in my final rhyme <br />
<br />
don't cover me with sorrow when I'm gone <br />
let my spirit be joyful, let my love live on <br />
and go on to make all your fondest dreams come true <br />
with my last breath, this is all I ask of you <br />
<br />
don't bury me in sadness <br />
don't cover me with sorrow <br />
take a smile away with you <br />
my last one, you can borrow <br />
keep it 'til tomorrow <br />
'til tomorrow... <br />
<br />
I've always believed it could be possible <br />
I've always believed it could be beautiful <br />
believe with me now in a peace that can set us free <br />
and believe such a wonder is happening to me... <br />
<br />
so don't leave me with painful tears in your eyes <br />
let our souls kiss one more time so mine can rise <br />
and move ahead in your life now for me and for you <br />
with these last lines I ask you to believe this song is true <br />
<br />
no matter where you go I will love you <br />
no matter what you do I will love you <br />
if you love me, then for me, this is what you can do <br />
please love again, for my love lives in you <br />
please love again, for my love lives... in you<br />
<br />
so don't bury me in sadness when I die <br />
let my death remind you that life is a high <br />
and celebrate the living for me at least one more time <br />
that is all I ask in my final rhyme <br />
<br />
don't cover me with sorrow when I'm gone <br />
let my spirit be joyful, let my love live on <br />
and go on to make all your fondest dreams come true <br />
with my last breath, this is all I ask of you <br />
<br />
don't bury me in sadness <br />
don't cover me with sorrow <br />
take a smile away with you <br />
my last one, you can borrow <br />
and keep it 'til tomorrow <br />
'til tomorrow... <br />
'til tomorrow... <br />
<br />
<br />
if you love me, then for me, this is what you can do <br />
please love again, for my love lives in you <br />
please love again, for my love lives... in you<br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-61857147211169021272013-04-05T16:05:00.002-04:002013-04-05T16:06:27.209-04:00understanding life<blockquote><blockquote><p align=justify>I am independent and alone in this life in part because the illusion of caring that passes for caring among humans, especially in schools, parties, politics, religion, and other human attempts at social interactions, is more about control than caring and that has always rubbed my instincts the wrong way. Loneliness or a desire to belong never could overcome the aversion to pretense and at the heart of that illusion.<br />
<br />
The illusion becomes a crutch made invisible to most by denial. <br />
<br />
To be with me you not only must understand this, but be without the illusion. </p></blockquote></blockquote>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-74897188035831311282013-03-15T13:25:00.001-04:002013-03-15T13:25:32.701-04:00no secretsthroughout my writings, babblings, even rhymes, when i am feeling most deep, perhaps even profound, there are so many references to lost mix tapes, words and music, that recorded who i was and am (<a href=http://bwme.blogspot.com/2012/05/time-passages.html target="_blank">the numbers are music</a>) and secrets in the <a href=http://bwme.blogspot.com/2011/11/besides-music.html target="_blank">writings</a>... yes, <i>lost</i>... the map to my core, to the buried treasure that was me, the path to who i am was lost... and the <a href=http://bwme.blogspot.com/2012/05/challenge.html target="_blank">playful challenge</a> for you becomes a <a href=http://bwme.blogspot.com/2010/07/real.html target="_blank">real challenge</a> for me and you... so sad, yet, reality is what it is and i deal with it, looking for someone else who will too... maybe i won't <a href=http://friendalover.blogspot.com/2009/12/compromise.html target="_blank">compromise</a> anymore... i am <a href=http://bwme.blogspot.com/2012/07/why-i-am-alone.html target="_blank">alone</a> because nobody <a href=http://bwme.blogspot.com/2012/05/challenge.html target="_blank">will</a>... will you?...
candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-32239424900936297552012-07-09T09:47:00.002-04:002012-07-09T09:50:44.004-04:00why i am aloneand i detest the fear most people empower within themselves... the fear of differences, fear of what they do not understand, fear of what they can not control... typical human fears... these fears repulse me so much, i remain alone...<br />
<br />
to be with me, you must understand this... especially if you have these fears...candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-65226666628982210212012-05-13T01:26:00.003-04:002012-05-13T01:29:03.475-04:00the challengeis to your intelligence, your awareness, your conscious clarity, your ability to understand, your willingness to access, your passion to learn and explore... do you feed your ego so it is healthy and strong without taking from or control others?... do you find your limits are challenging to find and always strive to reach beyond them when you do find them?... does your energy level rise above all around you?... can you go days without sleep and still find clarity, creativity, and energy bubbling through your mind?... do you choose logic and reason over blind faith in all things and yet, eagerly open your mind to the unknown and that which is beyond your current knowledge and understanding?... do you always challenge your beliefs?... are you unafraid of knowing and sharing your body?... are you insatiably curious, passionate, and creative?... can you do as you please no matter what others say or might say?... are you always aware of yourself?... do you love to play with words?... do you feel an imperative to share yourself in written words?... is reading truly fundamental to your experience in this life?... do you always overcome your fear?... are you comfortable balancing the extremes of intensity and relaxation on all levels?... do you understand the relativity of everything?... do you actualize it in all you do?... do you love unconditionally?... do you trust unconditionally?... do you, above all else, place being honest and harmless as the top priority at all times?...candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-4878092909585050542012-05-02T02:30:00.003-04:002012-05-02T02:52:39.657-04:00time passagesso i missed the day... actually, missed a lot of days, but this day i reference, the first of may, is especially missed... as is the music, which is so much a part of the first of may... the music is so far away sometimes from the daily life and the people in it... the memories way much farther away (don't be sad, cuz two out of three ain't bad, ya know?)... many years since anything deeply (as in truly madly and beyond) meaningful has been shared or created, alas... so i mourn a bit and at least stop by a couple of hours after the fact to acknowledge <i>when i was small...</i> and how <i>we used to laugh while others used to play...</i> because even if you never really knew that experience or knew me well enough to understand how much that concept and experience meant to me (from the library corner through the leap off the precipice and the beginning of the end marked by tape 62 and the selected rest {72, 85, 95, and so on through 305, 351, 365-9 [or was that 165-9, alas, memories fade], and more, 387, 390, 391... sigh} that followed)... oh (as in oh wow) the music was so much of me outside of <a href=http://theseblogginglives.blogspot.com/2012/05/could-have-been-profound.html target="_blank">this blogging life</a>... <br />
<br />
wow, that was an unexpected aside... <br />
<br />
miss me?<br />
<br />
<br />
<p align=right>i do...</p>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-75257378989029771632011-11-06T03:10:00.000-05:002013-03-15T12:40:32.636-04:00besides the music<a href=http://bwme.blogspot.com/2011/08/heck-if-i-know.html target="_blank">like the latest</a> or the <a href=http://heartmindsong.blogspot.com/2000/06/beginning.html target="_blank">oldest</a> or those in between, <a href=http://cdstacks.diaryland.com target="_blank">musical</a> <a href=http://candoor.net/bios/music/journeys target="_blank">journeys</a> (and <a href=http://thevidme.blogspot.com target="_blank">videos</a> too) have always been a heavy influence on life as i know it... but besides the music, there are a lot of things you would want to know me before you decide whether to <i>really</i> want to know me (and i don't necessarily mean in the biblical sense, as in sex {and they say the bible is not porn, but where is is <i>knowing</i> given a sexual connotation, aye?}, but rather in <i>any</i> sense deeper than hello how are your what's new and so on)... you still here? :)<br />
<br />
one thing you should know is that i have imaginary best friends and also celebrity best friends, some i've actually met and they will remain nameless due to respect for privacy and some i only know from reading/listening to almost every word they've said or sung or written and they speak from my mind so often that their writings and ramblings (statements, opinions, beliefs, and so on) are close enough to mine (high probability) so you can use them as a barometer to gauge whether we might be compatible beyond the superficial politeness of acquaintances and casual friends... <br />
<br />
harry chapin would top the list... george carlin would probably be a solid second with john lennon a close third... they could easily be my representatives, if you follow the reasoning... there's a start for your reading list (head start, no doubt), i mean, if you <i>really</i> want to start to have some sort of conversation starter to actually (really) get to know me beyond the... <br />
<br />
repetition :)candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-76410289990362178502011-08-16T00:15:00.001-04:002011-08-18T01:56:23.577-04:00heck if i knowthe joke on me is i often don't remember who i am (at least not on the surface) because in this world, so few people are who they are in daily life and i've learned to fit in, but i subliminally unconditionally trust myself to record who i am in words from time to time so i can remember who i am in case someone really wants to know me and (yeah, you guess it) be with me... <br />
<br />
if course that does not guarantee i will be able to actualize me even if i am reminded who i am (the conundrum of human frailty, no doubt... fools we are who give into the delusion for we lose touch with the truth that we are masters of our own illusion)... <br />
<br />
there's always hope (i hope) :)<br />
<br />
and music :)<br />
<center><img style="visibility:hidden;width:0px;height:0px;" border=0 width=0 height=0 src="http://c.gigcount.com/wildfire/IMP/CXNID=2000002.0NXC/bT*xJmx*PTEzMTI3MDgyOTc2MTgmcHQ9MTMxMjcwODMxMDA2OSZwPTY5NDMwMSZkPSZnPTEmbz*zNTQ1ODQwZjEwMDc*ZjkxODY4/Njk3OWY1NDMyYmQ3NyZvZj*w.gif" /><div style="text-align: center; margin-left: auto; visibility:visible; margin-right: auto; width:400px;"><object width="400" height="420"> <param name="movie" value="http://www.musiclist.us/mc/mp3player_new.swf"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="never"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><param name="flashvars" value="config=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.indimusic.us%2Fext%2Fpc%2Fconfig_black_noautostart.xml&mywidth=400&myheight=420&playlist_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.musiclist.us%2Fpl.php%3Fplaylist%3D87254230%26t%3D1312708319&wid=os"></param><embed style="width:400px; visibility:visible; height:420px;" allowScriptAccess="never" src="http://www.musiclist.us/mc/mp3player_new.swf" flashvars="config=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.indimusic.us%2Fext%2Fpc%2Fconfig_black_noautostart.xml&mywidth=400&myheight=420&playlist_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.musiclist.us%2Fpl.php%3Fplaylist%3D87254230%26t%3D1312708319&wid=os" width="380" height="420" name="mp3player" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" border="0"/> </object> <br />
<a href="http://www.musiclist.us"><img src="http://www.musiclist.us/mc/images/create_black.jpg" border="0" alt="Get a playlist!"/></a> <a href="http://www.musiclist.us/playlist/22337082891/standalone" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.musiclist.us/mc/images/launch_black.jpg" border="0" alt="Standalone player"/></a> <a href="http://www.musiclist.us/playlist/22337082891/download"><img src="http://www.musiclist.us/mc/images/get_black.jpg" border="0" alt="Get Ringtones"/></a> </div></center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-18580319806742672072011-07-09T15:13:00.000-04:002011-07-09T15:13:34.482-04:00all or nothing<center><br />
<br />
for me it’s all or nothing<br />
and no one gives it all<br />
oh there are those who say they do<br />
but even they’re afraid to fall<br />
<br />
for me it’s all or nothing<br />
there is no compromise<br />
and i’ve yet to meet anyone<br />
who does not depend on lies<br />
<br />
how many times<br />
can we re-write history<br />
or just forget it<br />
does that really set us free?<br />
<br />
how many ways<br />
can we redirect our love<br />
into fear, into hate<br />
or into a god above<br />
<br />
do you ever wonder why there’s war<br />
or what we are really here for<br />
or why so many true loves end<br />
or if you really have a friend<br />
can you truly open your mind<br />
to even more than we can find<br />
dare you embrace the reality<br />
of infinity possibility<br />
and unconditional love and trust and honesty<br />
completely open love and trust and honesty<br />
<br />
for me it’s all or nothing<br />
any less is disgusting<br />
do you put limits on your love<br />
and how much are you trusting?<br />
<br />
for me it’s all or nothing<br />
there is no right other way<br />
and i’d rather be alone than wrong<br />
so now what do you have to say<br />
<br />
.<br />
<br />
.<br />
<br />
.<br />
<br />
<br />
silence is an answer too<br />
<br />
and nothing new <br />
<br />
.<br />
<br />
.<br />
<br />
how many times<br />
can we re-write history<br />
or just forget it<br />
does that really set us free?<br />
<br />
how many ways<br />
can we redirect our love<br />
into fear, into hate<br />
or into a god above<br />
<br />
do you ever wonder why there’s war<br />
or what we are really here for<br />
or why so many true loves end<br />
or if you really have a friend<br />
can you truly open your mind<br />
to even more than we can find<br />
dare you embrace the reality<br />
of infinity possibility<br />
and unconditional love and trust and honesty<br />
completely open love and trust and honesty<br />
<br />
this song does not have an end<br />
there are no neatly tied up conclusions<br />
it is the truth’s intrusion<br />
or maybe just my illusion<br />
<br />
this song may not have a friend<br />
there is more or less a hope and a prayer<br />
that someone might hear<br />
and someone is there<br />
are you there<br />
are you here<br />
do you care?<br />
<br />
.<br />
<br />
.<br />
<br />
.<br />
<br />
<br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-72646049618789859692011-05-22T04:30:00.000-04:002011-05-22T04:30:58.203-04:00lonely but (to be with me)<center>yes i am lonely but<br />
i don't want to compromise<br />
yes i am lonely but<br />
i will not settle for lies<br />
yes i am lonely but<br />
i don't want loneliness<br />
to be a substitute<br />
for happiness<br />
<br />
yes i am lonely but<br />
that is not where love comes from<br />
yes i am lonely but<br />
loneliness can leave me numb<br />
so how are we to tell<br />
if what we feel is real<br />
when if could be loneliness<br />
is distorting what we feel<br />
<br />
just because you don't want to be lonely<br />
does not mean you really want me<br />
i could be just a convenience<br />
someone to keep you company<br />
for loneliness is a powerful drug<br />
and drugs can leave us undone<br />
so just because i am desperate for a hug<br />
does not make you the right one<br />
<br />
so if you can understand<br />
then before you hold my hand<br />
take the time to talk about<br />
the things we can't live without<br />
and if you can comprehend<br />
what it means to be a friend<br />
then we can help each other out<br />
to get to where there is no doubt<br />
<br />
whether it's loneliness or desire<br />
honesty will take even higher<br />
for together we don't have to be lonely<br />
so we can be to open to what we really want<br />
that is what friends do for each other<br />
and if we find love in each other<br />
or if we find love in another<br />
either way we help each other discover<br />
it's not loneliness that takes us higher<br />
it is being honest with desire<br />
<br />
so yes i am lonely but<br />
i don't want to compromise<br />
yes i am lonely but<br />
i will not settle for lies<br />
yes i am lonely but<br />
i don't want loneliness<br />
to be a substitute<br />
for happiness<br />
<br />
so yes i am lonely but<br />
the cure for that is a friend<br />
so can you be my friend<br />
you see to be with me<br />
you first must be my friend<br />
to be with me<br />
you first must be my friend<br />
<br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-12589615017123524072011-03-16T02:27:00.000-04:002011-03-16T02:27:30.314-04:00tears<center>i cry all the time somewhere inside<br />
feeling every child who has ever died<br />
feeling the insensitivity of pride<br />
and the cruelty of fear and love denied<br />
but i laugh at the futility as much as i cry<br />
for this life is a moment, a blink of an eye<br />
and whatever it means beyond all we can see<br />
all we have is this moment to share, you and me<br />
all we have is this moment to be<br />
the best we can be<br />
<br />
it may all be meaningless in the end<br />
there may be nothing more after we die<br />
and life may all be an illusion my friend<br />
just a figment of imagination - not a lie<br />
but a dream we embody in the blink of an eye<br />
<br />
so i cry all the time somewhere inside<br />
feeling every child who has ever died<br />
feeling the insensitivity of pride<br />
and the cruelty of fear and love denied<br />
but i laugh at the futility as much as i cry<br />
for this life is a moment, a blink of an eye<br />
and whatever it means beyond all we can see<br />
all we have is this moment to share, you and me<br />
all we have is this moment to be<br />
the best we can be<br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-32141231010550916112011-02-18T04:47:00.000-05:002011-02-18T04:47:17.923-05:00wide awake at 4am again<center>how many times will i write the same line<br />
will i use the same rhyme<br />
is it all the same crime<br />
<br />
oh how many ways can i sum up the days<br />
will i act the same plays<br />
is it all the same maze<br />
<br />
the wind blows no answers tonight<br />
just the same old story board i write<br />
how long since i first put down in pen<br />
and i am wide awake at 4am again<br />
<br />
<i>i know i need to be in love<br />
i know i've wasted too much time<br />
i know i ask perfection from a quite imperfect world<br />
and fool enough to think that's what i'll find</i><br />
<br />
how many times will i sing the same song<br />
will i right the same wrong<br />
will i ever belong<br />
<br />
how many times will i recall the scene<br />
do you know what i mean<br />
was it all a dream<br />
<br />
<i>so long ago</i><br />
<br />
can you imagine what the world would be<br />
like everyone lived honestly<br />
can you imagine how your life would feel<br />
if you let yourself just be real<br />
all the time<br />
all the time<br />
<br />
<i>oh my god i can't believe it's happening again</i><br />
<br />
<br />
and again... <br />
<br />
<br />
and again... <br />
<br />
<br />
tbc...<br />
<br />
<br />
:)<br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-91514771939407035032011-01-15T01:30:00.002-05:002011-02-18T04:34:07.012-05:00sudden introduction<p align=justify>the one aspect of the <a href=http://www.plentyoffish.com target="_blank">plentyoffish</a> <a href=http://ric-candor.blogspot.com/2011/01/me-according-to-plentyoffish.html target="_blank">profile</a> that is in error, at least in large part, is the aspect of self-control assessed by the website which their test rates as low and further compounding that error, they associate low self-control with poor attention to detail... those who work with me would laugh as their biggest complaint is my almost anal attention to detail, but then, that is an essential aspect of investigative work and data analysis, both part of what i do for money in this world... but that aside, the amusement (or irony?) may be that i do impulsively visit the plentyoffish site every few weeks (usually when i see my roommate visiting her profile and that reminds me that i have one) and a couple of times i actually attempted to reach out to someone (she's a kindergarten teacher who closed her profile with <i>New beginnings are wonderful. Hello Wonderful :)</i> inspiring my smile) and this sudden introduction is what emerged tonight (any wonder why I remain alone? lol lam lal :)</p><blockquote><p align=justify>I love your profile, but then, I am a kindergartener at heart (that is to say, in a completely serious and sometimes silly way, the child inside is alive and well in me)... It's not just the kid in me who loves what you wrote though, the whole person I am is applauding your words as you've expressed what a relationship is in my mind and also how to continue after a relationship ends... and I love the word wonderful – and I love the way you used it :)<br />
<br />
I am not sure why I joined plenty of fish. I have not actively looked for a relationship in more than a few years. I want to unconditionally trust a best friend who wants to be my best friend (to know and trust everything about each other). That cannot be done online nor merely in words (though I love the written word in so many ways). <br />
<br />
Years pass so quickly when life is busy when one loves job that can take as much time as one wants to give it and has lots of friends around to play with when one want to play. That is the live I experience today. All work and play might not make for a dull boy, but all work and play without intimacy and romance makes for... ambivalence?... laughter (at self), at least. Often I am told that I am too honest for my own good, probably because I trust myself, intend no harm, and do not live my life based on what others think of me. Most fear, or at least are not comfortable with, a completely honest open person. <br />
<br />
My last romantic relationship was in the 90's. It was the third time I fell in love, the first time since high school. I licked wounds, healed as much as one can heal without another intimate test of how healed that is (can we truly know without trusting enough to expose our "ugliest" scars and the worst experiences we've known and still actually trying again?). I am not sure I want to try again. That is likely because I have not met the person who inspires me to try again. I do not think my baggage is in my way. I do think that anyone who does not have some baggage has not truly experienced love or loss. I believe that our experiences are part of our identity if we do not live in denial. <br />
<br />
The next relationship I enter will be with someone who understands this because she will be my best friend first (at least that's the plan and that has me laughing at myself once again because I do not plan much, but when I commit I commit for life - the few I have given my all to will always be with me in some way because I know that true love never ends, even when the trust burns and turns to dust - but does the ability to love and trust unconditionally rust?... I hope not :)<br />
<br />
I write a lot. For those who do not love words, I write too much. If you want to know the way into my heart, love words, love rhymes, love music, love caring and sharing and learning and giving and helping. Love life and experiencing every moment as much as possible in every way. Dare to actualize unconditional love and trust. I do. Just ask my roommate or test me yourself as you wish. Sometimes I wonder if anyone else can and yet, there's always hope (an incorrigibly hopelessly hopeful romantic optimist, that child inside is :)<br />
<br />
As I see an ideal (hey, we can dream, right?) relationship is when two people share everything because they love everything about each other and everything that each other loves and where the activity is not mutually shared, the one not participating becomes a fan of the other (or something like that). I'd like to know what you think, who you are, what you want, where you've been, and if we inspire each other's smile, the deepest depths and the superficial distractions that make you who you are. <br />
<br />
I live near UCF. For money, I am with Quality and Risk Management at a children’s hospital. For fun, I write, sing, run/exercise, cook/eat, and enjoy audio/video at home or at shows, concerts, movies, and anywhere creativity might be found. For fun with friends, I share those activities and also play table-top games with friends. I enjoy other activities, but there’s a start at favorites. I will be in Altamonte playing cards at a friend's late tomorrow night. Also on the 29th at a friend's clubhouse with about 60 people, some friends and some strangers, who love to play board games, word games, cards, and other games. A great way to meet people if you enjoy playing table games. You are very welcome to come and meet in a group atmosphere. They get together through meetup.com, the Orlando Game Night Meetup. Or you could write back, call, or communicate in some other way. I hope you do. <br />
<br />
Honesty, that is all I ask for now. Too much? (there's always hope :)<br />
<br />
Ric<br />
http://candoor.net<br />
http://facebook.com/bwebbot (I am there more than here as friends use facebook to make plans)<br />
407-325-1482</p></blockquote>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-23684158004066042172010-09-16T01:33:00.005-04:002010-09-16T01:37:45.913-04:00part of me<p align=justify>(not just a kim carnes song, or cover, for that matter), but the facts of life as i know them is that there are threads (and not just a carole king song, or tapestry, for that matter) weaving through life connecting moments and people and memories and promises and magic and poems and more (and prayers for some, or alliteration, even) and everything old is new again or something like that, but ever so seriously (like a brick to the forehead), i sensed she (a singer known as dia frampton) would touch the roots (the deepest threads of me, that is, and she did at first eye contact… but she was a child standing in the rain and i was an aging rocker even wetter staring at her smile in the midst of the warped tour a few years back) and her words (and music) and several times she blew through my mind (even more than stevi nicks once did, but there are not dozens of letters written to the fantasy of knowing her today cuz I’m older and wiser and more mature and realistic and stupid, or something like that) and finally, <a href=http://randompopnews.blogspot.com/2010/09/omigo.html target="_blank">she did</a> (you can also listen below, with one less thread) and maybe it means something to you too, but to truly know me (which is a prerequisite to being with me), you must understand this thread and to stay, you must accept it (the feeling, the promise, the dream, the magic, the one, the love, it stays with you if you let it) will always be a part of me for the threads of love never end (they just go on and on my friends, and not just a shari lewis song, or lambchop, even)… <br />
</p><center><br />
<object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" width="400" height="100" ><param name="movie" value="http://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer.swf/track=89316631/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" /><param name="quality" value="high" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="allowNetworking" value="always" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed src="http://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer.swf/track=89316631/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" width="400" height="100" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" quality=high allowScriptAccess=always allowNetworking=always wmode=transparent bgcolor=#FFFFFF ></embed><noembed><a href="http://megdia.bandcamp.com/track/the-one">The One by Meg & Dia</a></noembed></object><br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6472328729626785558.post-32818694265334838632010-08-14T13:32:00.000-04:002010-08-14T13:32:19.055-04:00who you are<center><br />
i want to know who you are<br />
why you live<br />
why you breath<br />
how you sleep<br />
how you feel<br />
what you do<br />
what you want<br />
when you shine<br />
when you know<br />
who you are<br />
<br />
i want to know where you go<br />
when you dream<br />
when you love<br />
how you live<br />
how you breath<br />
while you sleep<br />
while you shine<br />
what you are<br />
what you share<br />
why you love<br />
why you go<br />
where you go<br />
<br />
i want to know everything<br />
about you<br />
<br />
do you want to be loved<br />
unconditionally<br />
do you want to be adored<br />
beyond eternity<br />
do you want to be cherished<br />
infinitely<br />
do you want to be trusted<br />
completely<br />
totally<br />
honestly<br />
<br />
without reservations<br />
unconditionally<br />
<br />
i want to know what you feel<br />
how you think<br />
how you are<br />
when you soar<br />
when you fold<br />
where you dance<br />
where you fly<br />
why you live<br />
why you lie<br />
who you trust<br />
who you love<br />
what you love<br />
how you love<br />
why you love<br />
<br />
i want to know everything<br />
about you<br />
</center>candoorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16247345559618328103noreply@blogger.com0