besides the music

like the latest or the oldest or those in between, musical journeys (and videos too) have always been a heavy influence on life as i know it... but besides the music, there are a lot of things you would want to know me before you decide whether to really want to know me (and i don't necessarily mean in the biblical sense, as in sex {and they say the bible is not porn, but where is is knowing given a sexual connotation, aye?}, but rather in any sense deeper than hello how are your what's new and so on)... you still here? :)

one thing you should know is that i have imaginary best friends and also celebrity best friends, some i've actually met and they will remain nameless due to respect for privacy and some i only know from reading/listening to almost every word they've said or sung or written and they speak from my mind so often that their writings and ramblings (statements, opinions, beliefs, and so on) are close enough to mine (high probability) so you can use them as a barometer to gauge whether we might be compatible beyond the superficial politeness of acquaintances and casual friends...

harry chapin would top the list... george carlin would probably be a solid second with john lennon a close third... they could easily be my representatives, if you follow the reasoning... there's a start for your reading list (head start, no doubt), i mean, if you really want to start to have some sort of conversation starter to actually (really) get to know me beyond the...

repetition :)

unconditional (partial)

what would you do if i could not walk?
would you still want to be with me?
what would you do if i could not talk?
would you still be able to hear me?
what would you do if i could not see?
would you still want me to feel you?
what would you do if i grew old and frail?
would you still want to be by my side?

look into my eyes, what do you see?
what really attracted you to me?
what would you do if it was all gone?
would there be any love to carry on?

where is the unconditional love
is it only in dreams?
is it just me or have you found
love is seldom as it seems
where is the unconditional trust?
is it just fantasy?
is it just me or have you found
trust is an impossibility...

for rarely is it tested
often it's a mistake
it lives so well in dreams
but dies when we're awake
so rarely is it lasting
unless it is faked
have you ever met a promise
that did not break?

look into my eyes, what do you see?
what really attracted you to me?
what would you do if it was all gone?
would there be any love to carry on?

where is the unconditional?...



almost listening Alice Peacock's I'll Start With Me

stop, in the name of...

keeping in touch...

that is what the internet has always been about for me... while ego loves the dream of fame and mass adoration... and all different parts of me get off on the creative inspirations and potential for interactions... and the rhymer and writer and music loving part of me loves the idea that some collaboration could happen... and the romantic (hopelessly hopeful, of course) dreams the one (or at least a libido fantasy) might come along and find me irresistible... the bottom line has always been - to keep in touch... find the beginning and it becomes obvious...

and now?...

and now, finally faced with losses i was so hoping would not become real, finally faced with the wasted time of believing the worst could not really happen, the worst arrives with a smile and a dance and a hope that all i said about the value and meaning of the music and map and story of a lifetime was just a joke, i mean, i wasn't really serious about how important that stuff was, was i?...

or something like that...

let's just overlook how simple and considerate it would be to have taken me seriously and even now, put the pieces back together... and to think i held out hope all this time... and all i have left are the pieces of the dream... a dream that i'll give all the love i can give every day of this life for as long as i live and then some, yeah maria, and you too maria, but my heart, you know... a dream that someone will be with me...

there is a bottomless pit of despair, a gaping wound of betrayed trust, a wide-eyed star of disbelief, and a child wanting to know - can i trust myself again... for i surely failed myself when the big one came... all these wasted years... there is a mountain of sorrow, an abyss of agonizing memories, and yet, all the baggage is right at the door of the plane waiting for someone to take my hand and jump with me... the bags can stay right there and fly away without me...

who could be so bold, so brave, so daring, so secure and trusting as i have been throughout this life... someone who could be with me.

consistency

if i came here every day and wrote something meaningful, something profound, or even just something that i wanted to share, innocuous, personal, general, specific, serious, irreverence, nonsense, or whatever...

would it matter in the end if you missed an entry?

start

there are a lot of facets to my personality because there are a lot of perspectives in my head and i take all and none completely seriously… that completely seriously moment awaits the one who shares it… it is not planned, i cannot seek it, it will happen when it happens… and while i wait i explore and enjoy each moment of this life as much as possible, open to everything, focusing on the positive, seeking trust and balance and peace and love and hoping to share it…

so if you want to know me,
come sit beside me,
lean on my shoulder a while
listen to me breathe,
feel my heart beat,
share the energy of a smile

look into my eyes with your open mind
and ask me what you want to know
expect only honesty
and you will get it
unless you want me to put on a show

but if we're just playing games
then it won't be long
before one of us will have to go

take my hand, feel my skin,
ask and tell me where i've been
share the same honest story of you
and we can begin
to know what is true,
if you want a friend
then start knowing honest love
it inspires unconditional trust
dare to leap into it and you'll find
there is no end

there is no end to love, my friend
there is no end


and if you want to be with me...

t.b.c...

some things that are wrong

judging bugs me, but in some way, we all must judge for ourselves what is right and what is wrong... it is a frame of reference for all of our choices in this world... so i ponder some of the things i feel are most wrong in this world and most of them start with humans...

not making up your own mind... most humans pretend to be independent and claim to want freedom and pretend, arrogantly at times, to know what they believe, but observing objectively, most humans just follow the leader and believe in and do the same things, right or wrong, that the vast majority of humans have been doing for most of recorded history and probably well before... the blind leading the blind is wrong...

glorifying war... i have yet to believe one justification, one reason for the cheering and celebration of any group of people actively building and using weapons to, with calculating precision, deliberately kill other humans... if cannibalism is wrong, then why not genocide?... and to glorify those who successfully kill?... so often in the name of a leader who wrote a book based on fundamental laws that include thou shalt not kill just makes the whole concept and action a mockery of the leader, the book, and the hypocrisy behind it all... war is hell, remember?... and hell is wrong...

the military industrial complex... people killing people is big business and glorifying war is one of the primary missions of the business... just what would all the factories and people working to build weapons do if the human race suddenly chose peace and love and understanding instead of conflict and hate and war?... unemployment is the great fear the military business plays on as they hide behind the flag that they will burn as quickly as they wave it just to make a profit...

the drug industry... most people are addicted to drugs, from caffeine to cocaine, from chocolate to valium, from aspirin to prozac, from laxatives to anti-biotics, the drug industry pushes their product on us harder and better than any street corner drug pusher ever could and we buy into the quick fixes and legal highs and modern medical experimentation as fast as any addict or guinea pig ever did... people are just rats in the maze...

the alcohol and firearms industry... is it ironic that the government combines these two into one department, or is it just poignant... just like the drug pushers, the alcohol makers provide the legal poison that european white men gave to native north americans in order to repress and destroy them... most humans rely on fire water to cope with stress... mosdt humans are afraid to socialize without alcohol... and guns, the every day local military mindset is fed by the gun industry... the macho men and the criminals carry and use guns take, to steal, and to bolster their fragile egos... humans addictions do not stop at war and drugs and alcohol, for most people are just as addicted to violence as anything else...

the news... perhaps the single most depressing, destructive, and time-wasting activity i see people do is watching the news... not only do the newscasters pander to the lowest weaknesses and most base fears, but they exploit stupid and gullible people with ridiculously obvious repetivive dramatics, cliches, and rabble-rousing over the petty and pitiful foibles and tragedies that respect would leave private... but when it comes to the news media there is no respect for human decency or ethics or that supposed leader who wrote that supposedly holy book with those supposedly fundamental laws... there is the pretense of concern, but obviously no real concern for people as people are to be exploited in the news stories and by the advertisers alike... and that's the way it is...

tabloid tv and print media... almost as bad as the news because it does the same thing and even worse invasions of privacy and telling lies, at times, but at least the yellow rag media does not take itself as seriously as what is pretentiously called the fourth estate or the legitimate media... from the light hearted celebrity exploiting gossip shows to the hard core and potentially dangerous paparazzi to the ridiculous my mother was a space alien stories that call out from check out lines in supermarkets, it is representative of the superficiality and disrespectful approach to life and to each other most humans choose these days... and this makes me sad...

tv... while i love audio and visual stimuli and i love reading and watching fiction, the majority of commercial television is the commercials, the news, tabloid crap, and talk talk talk just to sell more crap... most of the fiction suffers from a pitiful lack of creativity and shows a complete absence of originality...

and this is where i shall pause... there are other things about life on thise planet that i feel are wrong, like pollution, abuse, poor parenting, arrogance, and the processed and fast food industries, the religion business, but i'll leave those and more for other times when i have more time... this is some of what you need to know if you want to know me, share with me, and be with me... and if you really want to be with me, you can create your own commercial now...