Sunday, December 16, 2007

sometimes i wonder

and sometimes i wonder
who really cares
when nobody's near me
and nobody shares
and nobody knows me
or hears my heart beats
the times i've been lonely
and out on the streets
times i could have died
and no one would know
who really cares
if i come or go

i wish i could know
the unconditional trust
the faith others seem to have
or is that just illusion
how do you know what is real?

i wish i could know
the unconditional love
comfort others seem to have
or is that just illusion
how do you know how it feels?

maybe i am missing something
essential to the human experience
but i've never known the answers
that others seem to take for granted
am i just too dense

sometimes i wonder…

.

.

.

and if in the end
the love you give
comes back around
will i receive it too
i've given all i have
many times over

and if in the end
the unconditional
is only an illusion
is it real if it's shared
how can i know?
oh oh oh oh oh

sometimes i wonder…


Saturday, December 1, 2007

wishing on a star

wishing on a star
for someone to understand
i'm not sure what happened
if anything was planned
it did not work out right
i'm full of broken dreams
but can it be as bad
as it seems?

wishing on a star
for someone to care enough
to take the time to know
how challenging and rough
this life has been so far
and how hard i've tried
to give love and be good
only to be denied

what's the use of crying my eyes out
to fall asleep and wake after another lonely night
what's the use of trying to figure it all out
when no one seems to care if i get anything right
what’s the use of giving everything i've got
if all i find is people who just take
what's the use of believing in honesty and love
when all it does it force my heart to break

what's the use of going on
i have no answers now
it feels like all hope should be gone
but it's not
and i don't know how

i just keep
wishing on a star
for someone to understand
the journey i've been on
is it a wonderland?
it's been bliss and despair
loneliness and love
hope and trust in dreams
i keep dreaming of

as i keep
wishing on a star
for someone to care enough
to take the time to know
how sensitive and tough
i have been so far
and how much i want to
give love and be good
to a heart that's true

don't be cruel
don't be cruel
is it you?

wishing on a star
for someone to understand
i'm not sure what happened
if anything was planned
or what is wrong or right
i only know my dreams
are all i'm living for
or so it seems

wishing on a star
for someone to care enough
to take the time to know
everything and stuff
that makes me who i am
and how i want to share
to give love and be good
to someone who cares

i just keep
wishing on a star
for someone to understand
the journey i've been on
is it a wonderland?
it's been bliss and despair
loneliness and love
hope and trust in dreams
i keep dreaming of

as i keep
wishing on a star
for someone to care enough
to take the time to know
how sensitive and tough
i have been so far
and how much i want to
give love and be good
to a heart that's true

don't be cruel
don't be cruel
is it you?

wishing on a star
for someone to understand
wishing on a star
for a gentle hand
wishing on a star
for a shared wonderland
where unconditional trust
and honest love command
and fear is not allowed
to overpower love
and doubt is replaced by faith
in these dreams we dream of

wishing on a star
for unconditional trust
and honest love

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

some things that are wrong

judging bugs me, but in some way, we all must judge for ourselves what is right and what is wrong... it is a frame of reference for all of our choices in this world... so i ponder some of the things i feel are most wrong in this world and most of them start with humans...

not making up your own mind... most humans pretend to be independent and claim to want freedom and pretend, arrogantly at times, to know what they believe, but observing objectively, most humans just follow the leader and believe in and do the same things, right or wrong, that the vast majority of humans have been doing for most of recorded history and probably well before... the blind leading the blind is wrong...

glorifying war... i have yet to believe one justification, one reason for the cheering and celebration of any group of people actively building and using weapons to, with calculating precision, deliberately kill other humans... if cannibalism is wrong, then why not genocide?... and to glorify those who successfully kill?... so often in the name of a leader who wrote a book based on fundamental laws that include thou shalt not kill just makes the whole concept and action a mockery of the leader, the book, and the hypocrisy behind it all... war is hell, remember?... and hell is wrong...

the military industrial complex... people killing people is big business and glorifying war is one of the primary missions of the business... just what would all the factories and people working to build weapons do if the human race suddenly chose peace and love and understanding instead of conflict and hate and war?... unemployment is the great fear the military business plays on as they hide behind the flag that they will burn as quickly as they wave it just to make a profit...

the drug industry... most people are addicted to drugs, from caffeine to cocaine, from chocolate to valium, from aspirin to prozac, from laxatives to anti-biotics, the drug industry pushes their product on us harder and better than any street corner drug pusher ever could and we buy into the quick fixes and legal highs and modern medical experimentation as fast as any addict or guinea pig ever did... people are just rats in the maze...

the alcohol and firearms industry... is it ironic that the government combines these two into one department, or is it just poignant... just like the drug pushers, the alcohol makers provide the legal poison that european white men gave to native north americans in order to repress and destroy them... most humans rely on fire water to cope with stress... mosdt humans are afraid to socialize without alcohol... and guns, the every day local military mindset is fed by the gun industry... the macho men and the criminals carry and use guns take, to steal, and to bolster their fragile egos... humans addictions do not stop at war and drugs and alcohol, for most people are just as addicted to violence as anything else...

the news... perhaps the single most depressing, destructive, and time-wasting activity i see people do is watching the news... not only do the newscasters pander to the lowest weaknesses and most base fears, but they exploit stupid and gullible people with ridiculously obvious repetivive dramatics, cliches, and rabble-rousing over the petty and pitiful foibles and tragedies that respect would leave private... but when it comes to the news media there is no respect for human decency or ethics or that supposed leader who wrote that supposedly holy book with those supposedly fundamental laws... there is the pretense of concern, but obviously no real concern for people as people are to be exploited in the news stories and by the advertisers alike... and that's the way it is...

tabloid tv and print media... almost as bad as the news because it does the same thing and even worse invasions of privacy and telling lies, at times, but at least the yellow rag media does not take itself as seriously as what is pretentiously called the fourth estate or the legitimate media... from the light hearted celebrity exploiting gossip shows to the hard core and potentially dangerous paparazzi to the ridiculous my mother was a space alien stories that call out from check out lines in supermarkets, it is representative of the superficiality and disrespectful approach to life and to each other most humans choose these days... and this makes me sad...

tv... while i love audio and visual stimuli and i love reading and watching fiction, the majority of commercial television is the commercials, the news, tabloid crap, and talk talk talk just to sell more crap... most of the fiction suffers from a pitiful lack of creativity and shows a complete absence of originality...

and this is where i shall pause... there are other things about life on thise planet that i feel are wrong, like pollution, abuse, poor parenting, arrogance, and the processed and fast food industries, the religion business, but i'll leave those and more for other times when i have more time... this is some of what you need to know if you want to know me, share with me, and be with me... and if you really want to be with me, you can create your own commercial now...

Sunday, April 8, 2007

what's it all about?

I dunno... maybe just another futile attempt to believe I can somehow create the illusion of actually sharing and being together with you through words on the internet... whomever you might be... more than my dream or reflection I hope... maybe Zoe can explain it, or maybe she's asking the same questions... thinking aloud into the void, the ether, the cyberspace... is anybody out there?