Make Good Memories

I think of the old songs that used to move me to happy tears
I remember the good times, are they is gone as it appears?
Somewhere along the way we were all divided fears
And I wonder if we could roll back the years
Could we figure out where we learned all the fears?

I don’t want to fear
Fear makes love seem to disappear
I just want to care
Caring is why I am here
Caring is the best feeling I know
I only want the best for everyone
No one can hurt you if you let go
Of the fear

Your people hang onto the fear as if it has more value than love
That’s seems like Mental illness to me,
it just doesn’t make sense,
It is too high and expense
To build a wall and a fence
Around your heart?
That seems to be self-defeating
It blocks your love right from the start

I don’t wanna be like that
I won’t let my love be smothered by fear
I will not hurt myself like that
As long as I have a choice I will care
Caring is why I am here

I think of the old songs that used to move me to happy tears
I remember the good times, when people used to care
and make good memories that overcome all fears
that is the way I want to share
that is the world I want to share

Most Devoted Friend

it takes an ego without measure
to uncover a buried treasure
and share it with the world
heart open, mind unfurled

it takes love knowing beyond pleasure
to survive the greatest pressure
and reach euphoria
in this global emporia

and I can be that one
who never let you down
even when I fail
I will turn it around
I will do anything
to help you reach your goal
that's just the way I am
a living giving soul

and I can be your most devoted friend
the open door to love without an end
without any conditions or reason to pretend
just what you need when you need to depend
I can be your most devoted friend

it takes an ego strong enough to fail
to survive anything on any scale
and still believe in love's eternity
that is just what can be found in me

we all need someone
we can trust unconditionally
with everything we do
with everything we think
with everything we are
completely

we all need someone
we know is always there
I can be the one
you can find me here

and I can be your most devoted friend
the open door to love without an end
without any conditions or reason to pretend
just what you need when you need to depend
no matter what you do I can be
your most devoted friend

just be here

no time for depth
where is the meaning
where is the magic
where is the love

no time for me
but do I want to?
where is the question?
no answers above
no answers below
no answers outside
no time for within
no fantasy
no time for me

lost in the pages of forgotten books
lost in the memories of forgotten looks
lost in the workaholic fight not to drown
lost conforming to the happy sad clown

break me in two and you'll find my heart
already beating in two separate parts
torn into pieces before I could crawl
the only repair was giving it all

without walls
without doors
without defenses

without games
without shames
without pretenses

too vulnerable for conformity
so why don't I give in?
all I want is honesty
it's my life I'm living
delusions are not for me
no matter how many believe
I would rather be alone
than lie or deceive

without walls
without doors
without defenses

without games
without shames
without pretenses

break me in two and you'll find my heart
already beating in two separate parts
torn into pieces before I could crawl
the only repair was giving it all
only partially repaired by giving it all

did you miss me?
dd you even ever know me?
do you miss me?
is there any way to show me?
can you feel me?
without any god or fear
want the real me?
just be real, just be here

without walls
without doors
without defenses

without games
without shames
without pretenses

just be you
without fear
just be real
just be here

The Words

I want to write more
writing has always helped me
gather thoughts and feelings
to figure our what to do
through challenges
or joyous times
I always found myself
in rhymes

When the words dry up
the mind becomes cloudy
storms brew unabated
rain falls from my eyes
confusion grows
and old age
consumes me as
hope fades

please don't let me stop writing
even if no one ever responds
please don't ever let me stop writing
for I would not be here if the words were gone
my hope comes from the hope
the words will carry on

and if you care about me
you will put a pen in my hand
even if you never respond
even if you don't understand

if you care about me
encourage more writing
it keeps my head
and my heart from fighting
it lets me figure
myself out
writing is
what I'm about
without it
I get lost in doubt
losing myself
can't you see
without writing
I
lose
touch
with
me

please don't let me stop writing
even if no one ever responds
please don't ever let me stop writing
for the words will still be here after I'm gone
the words can carry on
the words will carry on

word

please don't let me stop writing
even if no one ever responds
please don't ever let me stop writing
writing keeps me sane while I am here
and the words will still be here after I'm gone
the words can carry on
the words will carry on

Reason To Be Here

every time I upload something to the internet
I feel the rush of sharing part of myself
even if it is just a comment on a social network site

it is the hope
for the dream
that someone will find me
who understands me
and we'll fall in love

and everything will be alright
yeah everything will be alright

the world is in a sorry state these days
the planet bleeds while everybody plays
war games and hate games and love games and more
everybody looking for distraction to ignore
the way we treat each other and the world
all to get more stuff or flags unfurled
cuz everybody wants to be in control
whether or not you believe in a soul
looking for a way to overcome the fear
of being here before we disappear
looking for some meaning to appear
a reason to being here

every time I share
I hope someone will care
and that is my reason
to be here

it is the hope
for the dream
that someone will find me
who understands me
and we'll fall in love

and everything will be alright
yeah everything will be alright

hello

the world is in a sorry state these days
the planet bleeds while everybody plays
war games and hate games and love games and more
everybody looking for distraction to ignore
the way we treat each other and the world
all to get more stuff or flags unfurled
cuz everybody wants to be in control
whether or not you believe in a soul
looking for a way to overcome the fear
of being here before we disappear
looking for some meaning to appear
a reason to being here

every time I share
I hope someone will care
and that is my reason
to be here

it is the hope
for the dream
that someone will find me
who understands me
and we'll fall in love

and everything will be alright
yeah everything will be alright

hello

hello
are you alone in life today
i am looking for a new best friend
maybe we can spend a little time together
to see how we get along

if you are alone in life today
if you're looking for a new best friend
let's start by telling each other everything
we think and feel is right and wrong

what is your highest ideal
what is your purpose in life
what is your greatest appeal
what do you want in a wife
what does partnership mean
what's your favorite thing to do
what is your heart's desire dream
what is the essense of you

can we talk for a few hours
about what matters to you
about what matters to me
about what we feel is true
can we walk a hundred miles
in each others shoes
and then walk barefoot on the beach
watching the sky change hues

can you share
honestly
openly

can you open your mind
completely

do you care
honestly
openly

can you give your heart
completely

if you are alone in life today
if you're looking for a new best friend
let's start by telling each other everything
we think and feel is right and wrong

what is your favorite color
what is your favorite song
what weakens your knees
what makes you feel strong
what brings you to tears
what makes you laugh aloud
what picks you up, what brings you down
and what makes you feel proud

talk for hours
what matters
what is real
what is true
walk four hours
empathize
lay down, relax
gaze into each others eyes

can you share
honestly
openly

can you open your mind
completely

do you care
honestly
openly

can you give your heart
completely

are you looking for someone to trust to care
a bond without an end
sharing unconditional love, adopting new family
that's what i'm looking for
a best friend

i still want to believe

i still want to believe
there is someone out there for me
who can actualize equality
a partner in everything

there's so much i can grieve
but i want to share being happy
who can find the positivity
and real hope in everything

it takes more than wanting
it takes compatibility
seeing from the same perspective
living the same way honestly

it takes more than loving
it takes more than lusting
it takes something silent
words can not explain

it takes more than wanting
it takes more then trusting
much more than compliant
just share the same brain

and i want to believe
in the possibility
of two becoming one
unconciously
subconciously
and conciously

yeah i still want to believe
there is someone out there for me
who see the way i see
and feels the way i feel, really

there's so much we can grieve
but i want to share being happy
who can find the positivity
real hope in everything
genuine compatibility
living the same way honestly

two become one entity
unconciously
subconciously
and conciously

and i want to believe
in the possibility
of two becoming one entity
unconciously
subconciously
and conciously

maybe moody blues (truth is up to you)

maybe this is true
and all the optimism is bravado
truth is up to you
if you dare to care enough to find it
the dream is real
but why does it not come true?
truth is up to you
but what can we do if i don't mind it

what can i do
what can i do
what can i do


(truth is up to you)


i bring it on myself
i know i do
i isolate myself
it's nothing new
i focus on one thing
lost in a job
everything else piles up
i live like a slob

i let myself burn out
and get dismissed
and when i look around
at all i missed
all the lost contacts
friends faded away
i do it to myself
what can i say

so here i am again
looking for a friend
singing one more lonely song
seems it has no end

who could care enough
when i make it so tough
how can anyone get close to
a child who never learned to trust

this is the life i know
and nothing else
i give this life away
not to myself
i dream of someone
who understands
who can somehow get through
my open hands

hands always open are a lie
they never close to hold on
when no one feels wanted
they are soon gone

a heart afraid to show any need
just pushes everyone away
a heart afraid to trust can only bleed
and without trust
love does not stay

so here i am again
looking for a friend
singing on more lonely song
seems it has no end

who could care enough
when i make it so tough
how can anyone get close to
a child who never learned to trust

crumbling inside
always denied
from the start
hearts lied
trust died

can only hide
behind false pride
a broken heart
love lied
trust died

here i am again
looking for a friend
singing on more lonely song
seems it has no end

who could care enough
when i make it so tough
how can anyone get close to
a child who never learned to trust



still looking for the one
who will not go away
no matter what i do
no matter what i say

still looking for the one
who will pass every test
who can convince me to trust
this is my quest
quest
quest
quest

remember?...

to understand me

you must understand that after a lifetime of trying, sometimes desperately, to help others, to share and care and save and bond and understand and be understood and trust and love, i paused and chose to be alone to rest and re-establish my balance, my peace, and my happiness that is my natural state inside and now almost by default, i choose to be alone most of the time in this latter portion of life because people are just too confused to get close to without getting hit by some part of their irrational fears or other negative energy... it is very sad to be this lonely, but i finally decided it is better than the constant battle to mend others... so simply, i tired of climbing the walls to get into other's madhouses so i decided to stay in my own... at least, this way, i can enjoy my inner glee, my happiness and peace, even if it is all by myself...

but the dream that the one will find me remains...

the waiting time

all the waiting time

sometimes it starts with the title
an idea comes out of the blue
the memories of a dream long gone
suddenly starts coming through

it always starts with a moment
as if we did not have a clue
it hits the mind like a ton of bricks
and now i am thinking of you

the memory can't be avoided
no matter how long it's been
no matter how long forgotten
it's always ready to begin

as if we can live in a moment
that lasts an eternity
that is the power of true love
that's what you gave to me

you gave me the most precious passion
unconditional trust and more
unconditional love actualized
a heart with no wall or door

and ever since you i've been waiting
for someone who can give it all
all the waiting time
writing rhyme after rhyme
wishing somebody would fall
the way you could fall
giving it all

all the waiting time
waiting for someone to fall
the way we fell
giving it all

all the waiting time
waiting and singing this song
waiting for love to feel so right
it can never be wrong

and this song is wandering now
through gardens of memories
melodies change with the seasons
some become fantasies

there have been other lovers
that came right out of the blue
but no one has ever compared
to what i shared with you

and ever since you i've been waiting
for someone who can give it all
all the waiting time
writing rhyme after rhyme
wishing somebody would fall
the way you could fall
giving it all

all the waiting time
waiting and singing this song
waiting for love to feel so right
it can never be wrong

all the waiting time
waiting for someone to fall
all the waiting time
writing rhyme after rhyme
wishing somebody would fall
the way you could fall
giving it all

this song will only end
when i feel it again
if you understand, be a friend
help me sing it again
and again and again

all the waiting time
waiting and singing this song
waiting for love to feel so right
it can never be wrong

all the waiting time
waiting for the final fall
unconditional trust
unconditional love
giving it all

all the waiting time
waiting for the right one
and when the right one arrives
the waiting is done

all the waiting time
waiting and singing this song
waiting for love to feel so right
it can never be wrong

all the waiting time
waiting for the final fall
unconditional trust
unconditional love
giving it all

all the waiting time
waiting for the right one
and when the right one arrives
the waiting is done

please love again (my final rhyme)

when the sunlight fades from my eyes
will I be alone
when the peaceful darkness comes
will I be on my own
I have often wondered and
just as often wondered why
are we so afraid
to share our lives
because we're gonna die
or because we're afraid
we'll be left behind
to say good-bye



don't bury me in sadness when I die
let my death remind you that life is a high
and celebrate the living for me one more time
that is all I ask in my final rhyme

don't cover me with sorrow when I'm gone
let my spirit be joyful, let my love live on
and go on to make all your fondest dreams come true
with my last breath, this is all I ask of you

don't bury me in sadness
don't cover me with sorrow
take a smile away with you
my last one, you can borrow
keep it 'til tomorrow
'til tomorrow...

I've always believed it could be possible
I've always believed it could be beautiful
believe with me now in a peace that can set us free
and believe such a wonder is happening to me...

so don't leave me with painful tears in your eyes
let our souls kiss one more time so mine can rise
and move ahead in your life now for me and for you
with these last lines I ask you to believe this song is true

no matter where you go I will love you
no matter what you do I will love you
if you love me, then for me, this is what you can do
please love again, for my love lives in you
please love again, for my love lives... in you

so don't bury me in sadness when I die
let my death remind you that life is a high
and celebrate the living for me at least one more time
that is all I ask in my final rhyme

don't cover me with sorrow when I'm gone
let my spirit be joyful, let my love live on
and go on to make all your fondest dreams come true
with my last breath, this is all I ask of you

don't bury me in sadness
don't cover me with sorrow
take a smile away with you
my last one, you can borrow
and keep it 'til tomorrow
'til tomorrow...
'til tomorrow...


if you love me, then for me, this is what you can do
please love again, for my love lives in you
please love again, for my love lives... in you

understanding life

I am independent and alone in this life in part because the illusion of caring that passes for caring among humans, especially in schools, parties, politics, religion, and other human attempts at social interactions, is more about control than caring and that has always rubbed my instincts the wrong way. Loneliness or a desire to belong never could overcome the aversion to pretense and at the heart of that illusion.

The illusion becomes a crutch made invisible to most by denial.

To be with me you not only must understand this, but be without the illusion.

no secrets

throughout my writings, babblings, even rhymes, when i am feeling most deep, perhaps even profound, there are so many references to lost mix tapes, words and music, that recorded who i was and am (the numbers are music) and secrets in the writings... yes, lost... the map to my core, to the buried treasure that was me, the path to who i am was lost... and the playful challenge for you becomes a real challenge for me and you... so sad, yet, reality is what it is and i deal with it, looking for someone else who will too... maybe i won't compromise anymore... i am alone because nobody will... will you?...

why i am alone

and i detest the fear most people empower within themselves... the fear of differences, fear of what they do not understand, fear of what they can not control... typical human fears... these fears repulse me so much, i remain alone...

to be with me, you must understand this... especially if you have these fears...

the challenge

is to your intelligence, your awareness, your conscious clarity, your ability to understand, your willingness to access, your passion to learn and explore... do you feed your ego so it is healthy and strong without taking from or control others?... do you find your limits are challenging to find and always strive to reach beyond them when you do find them?... does your energy level rise above all around you?... can you go days without sleep and still find clarity, creativity, and energy bubbling through your mind?... do you choose logic and reason over blind faith in all things and yet, eagerly open your mind to the unknown and that which is beyond your current knowledge and understanding?... do you always challenge your beliefs?... are you unafraid of knowing and sharing your body?... are you insatiably curious, passionate, and creative?... can you do as you please no matter what others say or might say?... are you always aware of yourself?... do you love to play with words?... do you feel an imperative to share yourself in written words?... is reading truly fundamental to your experience in this life?... do you always overcome your fear?... are you comfortable balancing the extremes of intensity and relaxation on all levels?... do you understand the relativity of everything?... do you actualize it in all you do?... do you love unconditionally?... do you trust unconditionally?... do you, above all else, place being honest and harmless as the top priority at all times?...

time passages

so i missed the day... actually, missed a lot of days, but this day i reference, the first of may, is especially missed... as is the music, which is so much a part of the first of may... the music is so far away sometimes from the daily life and the people in it... the memories way much farther away (don't be sad, cuz two out of three ain't bad, ya know?)... many years since anything deeply (as in truly madly and beyond) meaningful has been shared or created, alas... so i mourn a bit and at least stop by a couple of hours after the fact to acknowledge when i was small... and how we used to laugh while others used to play... because even if you never really knew that experience or knew me well enough to understand how much that concept and experience meant to me (from the library corner through the leap off the precipice and the beginning of the end marked by tape 62 and the selected rest {72, 85, 95, and so on through 305, 351, 365-9 [or was that 165-9, alas, memories fade], and more, 387, 390, 391... sigh} that followed)... oh (as in oh wow) the music was so much of me outside of this blogging life...

wow, that was an unexpected aside...

miss me?

i do...

besides the music

like the latest or the oldest or those in between, musical journeys (and videos too) have always been a heavy influence on life as i know it... but besides the music, there are a lot of things you would want to know me before you decide whether to really want to know me (and i don't necessarily mean in the biblical sense, as in sex {and they say the bible is not porn, but where is is knowing given a sexual connotation, aye?}, but rather in any sense deeper than hello how are your what's new and so on)... you still here? :)

one thing you should know is that i have imaginary best friends and also celebrity best friends, some i've actually met and they will remain nameless due to respect for privacy and some i only know from reading/listening to almost every word they've said or sung or written and they speak from my mind so often that their writings and ramblings (statements, opinions, beliefs, and so on) are close enough to mine (high probability) so you can use them as a barometer to gauge whether we might be compatible beyond the superficial politeness of acquaintances and casual friends...

harry chapin would top the list... george carlin would probably be a solid second with john lennon a close third... they could easily be my representatives, if you follow the reasoning... there's a start for your reading list (head start, no doubt), i mean, if you really want to start to have some sort of conversation starter to actually (really) get to know me beyond the...

repetition :)

heck if i know

the joke on me is i often don't remember who i am (at least not on the surface) because in this world, so few people are who they are in daily life and i've learned to fit in, but i subliminally unconditionally trust myself to record who i am in words from time to time so i can remember who i am in case someone really wants to know me and (yeah, you guess it) be with me...

if course that does not guarantee i will be able to actualize me even if i am reminded who i am (the conundrum of human frailty, no doubt... fools we are who give into the delusion for we lose touch with the truth that we are masters of our own illusion)...

there's always hope (i hope) :)

and music :)

all or nothing

for me it’s all or nothing
and no one gives it all
oh there are those who say they do
but even they’re afraid to fall

for me it’s all or nothing
there is no compromise
and i’ve yet to meet anyone
who does not depend on lies

how many times
can we re-write history
or just forget it
does that really set us free?

how many ways
can we redirect our love
into fear, into hate
or into a god above

do you ever wonder why there’s war
or what we are really here for
or why so many true loves end
or if you really have a friend
can you truly open your mind
to even more than we can find
dare you embrace the reality
of infinity possibility
and unconditional love and trust and honesty
completely open love and trust and honesty

for me it’s all or nothing
any less is disgusting
do you put limits on your love
and how much are you trusting?

for me it’s all or nothing
there is no right other way
and i’d rather be alone than wrong
so now what do you have to say

.

.

.


silence is an answer too

and nothing new

.

.

how many times
can we re-write history
or just forget it
does that really set us free?

how many ways
can we redirect our love
into fear, into hate
or into a god above

do you ever wonder why there’s war
or what we are really here for
or why so many true loves end
or if you really have a friend
can you truly open your mind
to even more than we can find
dare you embrace the reality
of infinity possibility
and unconditional love and trust and honesty
completely open love and trust and honesty

this song does not have an end
there are no neatly tied up conclusions
it is the truth’s intrusion
or maybe just my illusion

this song may not have a friend
there is more or less a hope and a prayer
that someone might hear
and someone is there
are you there
are you here
do you care?

.

.

.

lonely but (to be with me)

yes i am lonely but
i don't want to compromise
yes i am lonely but
i will not settle for lies
yes i am lonely but
i don't want loneliness
to be a substitute
for happiness

yes i am lonely but
that is not where love comes from
yes i am lonely but
loneliness can leave me numb
so how are we to tell
if what we feel is real
when if could be loneliness
is distorting what we feel

just because you don't want to be lonely
does not mean you really want me
i could be just a convenience
someone to keep you company
for loneliness is a powerful drug
and drugs can leave us undone
so just because i am desperate for a hug
does not make you the right one

so if you can understand
then before you hold my hand
take the time to talk about
the things we can't live without
and if you can comprehend
what it means to be a friend
then we can help each other out
to get to where there is no doubt

whether it's loneliness or desire
honesty will take even higher
for together we don't have to be lonely
so we can be to open to what we really want
that is what friends do for each other
and if we find love in each other
or if we find love in another
either way we help each other discover
it's not loneliness that takes us higher
it is being honest with desire

so yes i am lonely but
i don't want to compromise
yes i am lonely but
i will not settle for lies
yes i am lonely but
i don't want loneliness
to be a substitute
for happiness

so yes i am lonely but
the cure for that is a friend
so can you be my friend
you see to be with me
you first must be my friend
to be with me
you first must be my friend