song for amy (where nobody else goes)

so tell me about yourself
what makes you who you are
what secrets does your heart whisper
when you wish upon a star?

i want to know the stuff
that everybody knows
but true friends take me to
where nobody else goes

and i sense you could be
important to me
so tell me about yourself
if you feel similarly

and if you just want to be friends who wave
a smiling passing hello
we can enjoy each other’s company
and hug when it’s time to go

i’m not asking for anything
that you don’t want to give
but true friends take me to
where i want to live

sharing caring making love
is what makes me who i am
i live to find my soul mate
i hope you understand

i want to know the things
that everybody knows
but i live to find my
true friend
i wonder if it shows

i live to share the place inside
where nobody else goes

so tell me about yourself
what makes you who you are
what secrets does your heart whisper
when you wish upon a star?

i want to know the stuff
that everybody knows
but true friends take me to
where nobody else goes

these words

this is what i do
when i am alone

i'd rather be sharing
i'd rather be holding someone's hand
i'd rather be kissing
i'd rather be making love

i'd rather be caring for someone
who is caring for me
living in the physical world
being all i can be

and sharing it all
with someone sharing it all
with me

but this is what i do
when i am alone

i dream of sharing in the words i write
i dream of loving all through the night
i dream of caring in the physical world
with someone who's arms would unfurl
and wrap around me, and they would feel
everything in me that is real
and i would feel
another person just as real

but when i am alone
this is what i do
it keeps me from feeling too lonely
or getting too lost in the blues
when i am alone
this is what i do
i dream in these words
i write to you

sleep is for the ones who can
this is what i do
i dream in these words
i write to you

a child

i am a child
please lock me away
and throw away the key
if i can not be what i am
if i must be what you want me to be
just put me on a shelf
i'll weave baskets or pottery
if i can't be myself

i am a child
please try to understand
i do not want your rules
or the back of your hand
if i must jump when you say jump
just send me to my room
i'll live in my own fantasies
rather than your world of doom and gloom

i am a child
i am not afraid of you
you can fuck me or kill me
the worst you can do
but nothing you do will change me
put that on my tombstone
the fears and corruption you live
you can keep for your own

i am a child
i mean no harm
you can not take my innocence
you can not take my charm
my magic is believing in
the wonders of being alive
and no matter what you do
my dreams will survive

i am a child
we're always being born
you may be afraid of us
or you may simply mourn
the loss of your childhhood
you're caving into fear
you can make your choice, but not mine
can i make it more clear

i am a child
i will keep coming back
to remind you of your mistakes
and of the strength you lack
you can sell your idealism
you can condemn your soul
but you can not stop me from playing
out my destined role

i am a child
the martyr on your cross
the one burned at the stake
i represent your loss

i am a child
the hope for tomorrow
the pain of facing truth
the end of your sorrow

if you will stop trying to own me
and stop living in fear
and let a child lead you
you will become aware

i am a child
you are a child
i am a child
you are a child
i am your child
you are my child
i am my child
you are your child
i am a child
i am a child
i am a child
your turn...

from a love

we come from a different time
when love was as simple as sleeping together
body contact with an innocent touch
and if it felt good even better

we come from a different place
where love is as honest as holding each other
feel our heartbeats and breathing as one
being with trust in each other

all the rules and judgments
humans seem to need
all the fear and labels
that make people bleed
all the divisions that
keep people apart
all the confusion that leave
people broken hearted
we started sharing love
before all that started

we come from a different mind
where love does not need to be figured out
or explained or justified
just shared without fear or doubt

we come from a different heart
where love does not need public approval
where love does not need to be defended
where love does not need to be pretended

where love does not need validation
where love does not mean separation
where love does not mean putting others down
where love does not mean dividing a town

where love does not mean condemning anyone
where love does not come at the point of a gun
where love does not wait for after we die
where love does not teach us how to lie

where love does not wait for a certain age
where love does not bleed on history's page
where love does not demand conformity
where love is alive and real and free

we come from a love that some people pray for
we come from a love with no wall or door
we come from a love people say they want to find
a love they once knew but all left behind

all the rules and judgments
humans seem to need
all the fear and labels
that make people bleed
all the divisions that
keep people apart
all the confusion that leave
people broken hearted
we started sharing love
before all that started

mutual fantasy

play with me, little girl
i won't touch you if you don't want me to
just play with me, little girl
i just want to have fun, don't you?

let the walls come tumbling down
and laugh at fear cuz there's not harm in me
play with me, little girl
let's find a mutual fantasy

inside of me is a child of four
and an infant wanting only to be held
most of me is ready to have fun
deep in my heart i want to start a meld

sharing everything the way only is done
in infancy and with the one the one
the one who understands and shares it all
because we mean no harm and hear the call

of the child inside
when someone really cared
wow, wouldn't that be sweet
if someone really cared

sitting here alone
dreaming of sharing
sitting here with me
dreaming of carinf

what if i cared about you
what if you cared about me
what if we made it real
physically
sensually
playfully

play with me, little girl
i won't do anything you say no to
just play with me, little girl
i just want to have fun, don't you?

yes little girl
strange as it seems
i have the control
to help make your dreams
come true
for you
and if you see
that is the dream in me
to share the dream in you
cuz that is what i dream about too

in the child inside
when somebody really cared
wow, wouldn't that be wild
if somebody really cared

all the lonely people
who puts them to bed?
all the sleeping dreams
in each and every head
who really cares about them
who really shares?
did you ever feel it
when somebody cares?

let the walls come tumbling down
and laugh at fear cuz there's not harm in me
play with me, little girl
let's find a mutual fantasy

play with me, little girl
i won't do anything you say no to
just play with me, little girl
i just want to have fun, don't you?

with the child inside
be the child inside
cuz the child inside
knows when somebody really cares
and wouldn't that be a dream
somebody really cares

little boys want to have fun too

a lover's song

you know i want to love you
i can see it in your eyes
the secret looks you give me
so don't pretend surprise
in all your insecurities
the hunger still shows through
you know your fire can burn me
but i/m still wanting you
yes you know this is true
i want to love you

and it doesn't matter how far apart
others might tell us we are
the rules do not matter when feelings like this
bring wishes down from the stars

and it doesn't matter if everyone else
says we've got no right, it is wrong
they don't have a clue about what love is
not when it comes on this strong

you know i want to love you
i can see it in your lips
as they secretly kiss me
a tingling in your hips
sense shivers down your spine
as you face what is true
you want to feel my loving
as much as i want you

you can taste it
(i can taste you)
your scent is in the air
you can smell it
(i can smell you)
can't hide being aware

bodies tremble
fingers ignite
the first time we touch
stars flicker
muscles tighten
we want it so much
the first time we touch
is all night

and when the morning comes
we're sprawled across the floor
two animals in heat stroke
only wanting more
wanting more
more and more

you know i want to love you
and now you are secure
and you want to love me
we know what we're here for
we're here to love each other
and we want more
all the time
we love loving each other
more and more

stop, in the name of...

keeping in touch...

that is what the internet has always been about for me... while ego loves the dream of fame and mass adoration... and all different parts of me get off on the creative inspirations and potential for interactions... and the rhymer and writer and music loving part of me loves the idea that some collaboration could happen... and the romantic (hopelessly hopeful, of course) dreams the one (or at least a libido fantasy) might come along and find me irresistible... the bottom line has always been - to keep in touch... find the beginning and it becomes obvious...

and now?...

and now, finally faced with losses i was so hoping would not become real, finally faced with the wasted time of believing the worst could not really happen, the worst arrives with a smile and a dance and a hope that all i said about the value and meaning of the music and map and story of a lifetime was just a joke, i mean, i wasn't really serious about how important that stuff was, was i?...

or something like that...

let's just overlook how simple and considerate it would be to have taken me seriously and even now, put the pieces back together... and to think i held out hope all this time... and all i have left are the pieces of the dream... a dream that i'll give all the love i can give every day of this life for as long as i live and then some, yeah maria, and you too maria, but my heart, you know... a dream that someone will be with me...

there is a bottomless pit of despair, a gaping wound of betrayed trust, a wide-eyed star of disbelief, and a child wanting to know - can i trust myself again... for i surely failed myself when the big one came... all these wasted years... there is a mountain of sorrow, an abyss of agonizing memories, and yet, all the baggage is right at the door of the plane waiting for someone to take my hand and jump with me... the bags can stay right there and fly away without me...

who could be so bold, so brave, so daring, so secure and trusting as i have been throughout this life... someone who could be with me.

creative loneliness

every now and then there is a loneliness
and it gets so intense
deeper than i can explain

it comes from somewhere inside the core of me
and it's an agony
that wants to shut down my brain

it comes when creativity
wants to share
but only finds a void
beyond the smiling faces
annoyed
i cry out silently
who will care?

but if anyone hears
no one responds
i mean, what can you say when you see
when all hope is gone

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to care
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share...

a numbness falls upon the arms and legs
with such gravity
the hands cannot turn the page

a fatigue swallows all the energy
all movement suspends
is this just what comes with age

it comes when creativity
wants to share
but only finds a vacuum
and the body needs air
so sad
i cry inside of me
who will care?

but if anyone hears
no one responds
i mean, what can you say when you ...
just carry on

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share...

but if anyone hears
no one responds
i mean, what can you say when you see
. . .

and what do you see
when you look at me
from so far away
as you do today
from out in the crowd
you just see a cloud
there's just fantasy
without intimacy

you can enjoy the song
but you can't see
the depths beneath
the creativity

you can enjoy the show
but you can not be
a real part of
the creativity

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share...

still a muse from far away
is better than no muse today
so i thank you for your cheers
your laughter and your tears
the loyalty, the years

even if they are all in my mind
the memory
the fantasy
makes creativity
deaf dumb and blind

and somehow . . .

more kind

and somehow . . .

that is kind

what was left behind...

the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to care
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

creativity
wants to share...

creativity
wants to share...

creativity
wants to care...

creativity
wants to share...

creativity
wants to share...

what it will be

the room spins in the shadows of the ceiling fan
the dust settles fast as it blows
the story is written in blood on the stones
the truth is told nobody knows

poets praise prophets and prophets curse poets
and pirates raid profits for fun
lovers and losers and lasers and liars
all fall at the sound of the gun

there is no difference between us
even as we struggle for identity
there is no magical purpose
even as we pride for posterity
there is no heaven in waiting
even as we grovel toward eternity
there is no ultimate meaning
there is only you and me
in this moment
you and me
and what we make of it will be
what it will be

the great ball of fire in the sky gives life to all
the dust settles as fast as it lives
the story is written in ash on the fields
the truth is what nobody gives

preachers praise saints and saints stay silent
as pirates raid pulpits for fun
holy and sinners and winners and saviors
all fall at the sound of the gun

there is no reason to go on
even as we fight for our victory
there is no virtue or value
even as we pose for our history
there is no great final reward
even as we pray for humility
there is no grand design
there is only you and me
in this moment
you and me
and all we feel and see
and what we make of it will be
what it will be

starry starry night

it sucks to be vincent
in a world that doesn't care
it sucks to be vincent
when you want to share
it sucks to be vincent
there's false joy in despair
it sucks to be vincent
ask anyone who's been there