creative loneliness

every now and then there is a loneliness
and it gets so intense
deeper than i can explain

it comes from somewhere inside the core of me
and it's an agony
that wants to shut down my brain

it comes when creativity
wants to share
but only finds a void
beyond the smiling faces
annoyed
i cry out silently
who will care?

but if anyone hears
no one responds
i mean, what can you say when you see
when all hope is gone

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to care
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share...

a numbness falls upon the arms and legs
with such gravity
the hands cannot turn the page

a fatigue swallows all the energy
all movement suspends
is this just what comes with age

it comes when creativity
wants to share
but only finds a vacuum
and the body needs air
so sad
i cry inside of me
who will care?

but if anyone hears
no one responds
i mean, what can you say when you ...
just carry on

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share...

but if anyone hears
no one responds
i mean, what can you say when you see
. . .

and what do you see
when you look at me
from so far away
as you do today
from out in the crowd
you just see a cloud
there's just fantasy
without intimacy

you can enjoy the song
but you can't see
the depths beneath
the creativity

you can enjoy the show
but you can not be
a real part of
the creativity

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share...

still a muse from far away
is better than no muse today
so i thank you for your cheers
your laughter and your tears
the loyalty, the years

even if they are all in my mind
the memory
the fantasy
makes creativity
deaf dumb and blind

and somehow . . .

more kind

and somehow . . .

that is kind

what was left behind...

the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to care
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

and the creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

creativity
wants to share
but nobody's there
and nobody's here

creativity
wants to share...

creativity
wants to share...

creativity
wants to care...

creativity
wants to share...

creativity
wants to share...

what it will be

the room spins in the shadows of the ceiling fan
the dust settles fast as it blows
the story is written in blood on the stones
the truth is told nobody knows

poets praise prophets and prophets curse poets
and pirates raid profits for fun
lovers and losers and lasers and liars
all fall at the sound of the gun

there is no difference between us
even as we struggle for identity
there is no magical purpose
even as we pride for posterity
there is no heaven in waiting
even as we grovel toward eternity
there is no ultimate meaning
there is only you and me
in this moment
you and me
and what we make of it will be
what it will be

the great ball of fire in the sky gives life to all
the dust settles as fast as it lives
the story is written in ash on the fields
the truth is what nobody gives

preachers praise saints and saints stay silent
as pirates raid pulpits for fun
holy and sinners and winners and saviors
all fall at the sound of the gun

there is no reason to go on
even as we fight for our victory
there is no virtue or value
even as we pose for our history
there is no great final reward
even as we pray for humility
there is no grand design
there is only you and me
in this moment
you and me
and all we feel and see
and what we make of it will be
what it will be

starry starry night

it sucks to be vincent
in a world that doesn't care
it sucks to be vincent
when you want to share
it sucks to be vincent
there's false joy in despair
it sucks to be vincent
ask anyone who's been there

consistency

if i came here every day and wrote something meaningful, something profound, or even just something that i wanted to share, innocuous, personal, general, specific, serious, irreverence, nonsense, or whatever...

would it matter in the end if you missed an entry?

start

there are a lot of facets to my personality because there are a lot of perspectives in my head and i take all and none completely seriously… that completely seriously moment awaits the one who shares it… it is not planned, i cannot seek it, it will happen when it happens… and while i wait i explore and enjoy each moment of this life as much as possible, open to everything, focusing on the positive, seeking trust and balance and peace and love and hoping to share it…

so if you want to know me,
come sit beside me,
lean on my shoulder a while
listen to me breathe,
feel my heart beat,
share the energy of a smile

look into my eyes with your open mind
and ask me what you want to know
expect only honesty
and you will get it
unless you want me to put on a show

but if we're just playing games
then it won't be long
before one of us will have to go

take my hand, feel my skin,
ask and tell me where i've been
share the same honest story of you
and we can begin
to know what is true,
if you want a friend
then start knowing honest love
it inspires unconditional trust
dare to leap into it and you'll find
there is no end

there is no end to love, my friend
there is no end


and if you want to be with me...

t.b.c...

this one is for you

this one is for you
and only you
reaching above the bar
you know who you are
it's not competition
it's just being you

this one is for you
and only you
reaching beyond this world
for what is right and wrong and true
it's not any judgment
it's just being you

this one is for you
and only you
not hung up on guilt or shames
not infested with myth or games
believing in your senses
and in what you feel in your heart
not someone else's heart
this one is for you
for thinking with your own mind
for being responsible for yourself
not hiding in some book on a shelf
you don't need a God to be good
you were not carved out of wood
not clay but living tissue full of love
and you don't need anyone telling you what you should do
you can believe what you see with your own eyes
and you know anything is possible
so you do not fear change or surprise

you do not fear nudity
you have grown out of infancy
you do not worship man's money
you know true security
self-contained and alone and free
so you can share completely
and live openly
and honestly
all life can be

this one is for you
and only you
I love you

this one is for you
and only you
I love you

this one is for you
and only you…
I love you

approaching 4am (the dream of love)

yes, here i am again, just past 2am
reaching out into the silent night
stretching out in time, dreaming in a rhyme
wishing on a star for words to write

wishing for the words that touch your heart and bring you here to me
wishing for the words that paint a smile deep in your soul
wishing for the words that let you know no greater love can be
than the love we can create – it's ours to control
within the power of our minds we can touch what people call god
within the power of our hearts we can know everything
within the power of our love we can understand it all
in the love we create – in the song we sing
in the love we create we are a part of everything

there is no need to sacrifice unless you doubt your faith
there is no need to wage a war unless you are afraid
there is no need to own a thing unless you cannot share
and if you cannot share you cannot care and you will not long be here
but it is still a choice you make with your inner voice with your inner light
it is the message you send out into the silent night

so here i am again, approaching 4am
opening up to what most call above
rolling back the time, coalescing rhyme
breathing life into the dream of love

here i am again, approaching 4am
becoming part of what we all dream of
where there is no time, everything can rhyme
living breathing sharing the dream of love
living breathing sharing the dream of love
living breathing sharing the dream of love

ashes and rust

sometimes i just wanna sit home and lick my wounds
and many the wounds i've got
so deep and wide and everlasting
but that's such a waste of time
and who wants to go through that
even if it's in rhyme

sometimes i just wanna curl up and cry it out
and many the tears i've shed
so deep and wide and everlasting
but drowning is no way to live
and who wants to go through that
even if it's a gift

trust, may be the most precious thing of all
beyond measure, such a treasure, if you know
doubt may be the most corrosive thing of all
unproductive, so destructive, let it go

when all you want is someone who knows you
when all you want is someone who cares
when all you want is to cut through the superficial crap
to reach the point of no return with someone who shares

a trust, as challenging as it is beautiful
beyond reason, every season, may you know
doubt will eat you alive if you invest in it
unproductive, so destructive, let it go

when all you want is someone who wants you
when all you want is someone who understands
the dreams in your heart that make you who you are
the becomes the foundation for shared journeys to wonderland

of trust, gives everything a deeper meaning
beyond anything that could have come before
when all doubt can be left behind
that's when you find your peace of mind
in sharing what this life is for and more
the trust that makes you feel safe and secure
just trust, shared down to the core

sometimes i just wanna lament missing sharing
and just feel the loneliness
that comes from being without trust
as days can feel like eons
so deep and wide and everlasting
but that's just a lack of hope
that let's doubt in like ashes and rust
and who wants to go through that
even if it leads to trust

sometimes i wonder

and sometimes i wonder
who really cares
when nobody's near me
and nobody shares
and nobody knows me
or hears my heart beats
the times i've been lonely
and out on the streets
times i could have died
and no one would know
who really cares
if i come or go

i wish i could know
the unconditional trust
the faith others seem to have
or is that just illusion
how do you know what is real?

i wish i could know
the unconditional love
comfort others seem to have
or is that just illusion
how do you know how it feels?

maybe i am missing something
essential to the human experience
but i've never known the answers
that others seem to take for granted
am i just too dense

sometimes i wonder…

.

.

.

and if in the end
the love you give
comes back around
will i receive it too
i've given all i have
many times over

and if in the end
the unconditional
is only an illusion
is it real if it's shared
how can i know?
oh oh oh oh oh

sometimes i wonder…

wishing on a star

wishing on a star
for someone to understand
i'm not sure what happened
if anything was planned
it did not work out right
i'm full of broken dreams
but can it be as bad
as it seems?

wishing on a star
for someone to care enough
to take the time to know
how challenging and rough
this life has been so far
and how hard i've tried
to give love and be good
only to be denied

what's the use of crying my eyes out
to fall asleep and wake after another lonely night
what's the use of trying to figure it all out
when no one seems to care if i get anything right
what’s the use of giving everything i've got
if all i find is people who just take
what's the use of believing in honesty and love
when all it does it force my heart to break

what's the use of going on
i have no answers now
it feels like all hope should be gone
but it's not
and i don't know how

i just keep
wishing on a star
for someone to understand
the journey i've been on
is it a wonderland?
it's been bliss and despair
loneliness and love
hope and trust in dreams
i keep dreaming of

as i keep
wishing on a star
for someone to care enough
to take the time to know
how sensitive and tough
i have been so far
and how much i want to
give love and be good
to a heart that's true

don't be cruel
don't be cruel
is it you?

wishing on a star
for someone to understand
i'm not sure what happened
if anything was planned
or what is wrong or right
i only know my dreams
are all i'm living for
or so it seems

wishing on a star
for someone to care enough
to take the time to know
everything and stuff
that makes me who i am
and how i want to share
to give love and be good
to someone who cares

i just keep
wishing on a star
for someone to understand
the journey i've been on
is it a wonderland?
it's been bliss and despair
loneliness and love
hope and trust in dreams
i keep dreaming of

as i keep
wishing on a star
for someone to care enough
to take the time to know
how sensitive and tough
i have been so far
and how much i want to
give love and be good
to a heart that's true

don't be cruel
don't be cruel
is it you?

wishing on a star
for someone to understand
wishing on a star
for a gentle hand
wishing on a star
for a shared wonderland
where unconditional trust
and honest love command
and fear is not allowed
to overpower love
and doubt is replaced by faith
in these dreams we dream of

wishing on a star
for unconditional trust
and honest love