to understand me

you must understand that after a lifetime of trying, sometimes desperately, to help others, to share and care and save and bond and understand and be understood and trust and love, i paused and chose to be alone to rest and re-establish my balance, my peace, and my happiness that is my natural state inside and now almost by default, i choose to be alone most of the time in this latter portion of life because people are just too confused to get close to without getting hit by some part of their irrational fears or other negative energy... it is very sad to be this lonely, but i finally decided it is better than the constant battle to mend others... so simply, i tired of climbing the walls to get into other's madhouses so i decided to stay in my own... at least, this way, i can enjoy my inner glee, my happiness and peace, even if it is all by myself...

but the dream that the one will find me remains...